We all get hurt sometimes; it's part of life. We can try hard not to hurt people and not to put ourselves in the position to get hurt, but in the realm of shidduchim, it's extremely difficult, if not impossible. You have to invest if you want to give something a chance to work, and at the same time, you can't continue dating someone if it will never work just because you feel bad to break up with him or her.
Relationships don't always last, and as per the way that the shidduch world works, we're focusing on marriage. So, you can get along great with someone, but if it wouldn't work marriage-wise, we don't just continue going out. When you break up with someone, or someone breaks up with you, yeah, usually that hurts.
The hurt comes from the loss, whether it's the relationship itself, the person, that you lost, or it's what that relationship represented. For example, one of the hardest things for me after a break up (of a scenario in which we were dating for an extended period of time and/or we got fairly close) is the being single again, the absence of a close confidant, deep meaningful relationship. You can't protect someone (or yourself) from this hurt. It's a natural normal part of this process.
Wronging someone is a different ballgame. You can't help hurting someone sometimes, but you can avoid wronging him/her. There is a mentchlach way to date and break up with someone. Blindsiding, taking someone for a ride, insulting, acting in ways that you would never act in the world outside of dating, all fall within the category of "wronging."
Honest and accurate feedback throughout the process is super important. You may not know how you feel about someone, but then be upfront about it. You may need to take a break to evaluate your thoughts, etc, and that's okay. If you get to a point where you feel like things are not going to work, talk about it. Give the other party a chance to weigh in. Let him/her know that you're having doubts. Communicating with each other is paramount for any relationship, and it can help you work things out if that's the way the situation is going. If things are truly over, be kind about it. If you dated this person this long, there was surely a reason, and remember that respect you had for him/her as you walk away.
It's always a good idea to ask forgiveness when you end things with someone, because you may not be aware of how the other person is receiving what you're saying. Additionally, once things are over, many things that you did over the time you were together are now colored in a different light. There may be something you did that doesn't seem so innocuous anymore.
If you've wronged someone perhaps they're still holding onto it, and maybe it would be in your best interest to reach out and offer a sincere apology.
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