Of Bad Blind Dates

Oh, how I hate the shidduch system. I don't know why I would ever want to date someone I've never met before, regardless of how many people say nice things about him. The more positive things I hear, the more I anticipate a good date. And, the build-up to that date that ends up being a bomb... Wow, it's painful.

A simple "yes" holds so much potential. After waiting too long for a date, it just made me think that perhaps this could be "the one." Maybe it's finally my time. So much preparation, mental, physical, and emotional, goes into the date. It holds hope for me. I makes me fantasize of finally being happy, dating a normal guy that I can respect and adore, perhaps even him proposing after awhile. Finally, finally, it'd be my turn to join the exclusive club of "the engaged/marrieds," flaunting a diamond and a cute guy who's devoted to me, no longer having to take the callous looks of pity, the "You're next"s, "I'm waiting"s, etc. I'd finally be able to move on with my life, finally feel like I have reached my purpose as a Jewish woman.

Not only were my hopes cruelly dashed, but he was so off, that it made me feel like there's something wrong with me. Granted, the person who suggested the idea apparently doesn't know me very well, but really! What about all the great things people said about him?! Could it be that we just didn't click, 'cuz I thought he was straight-up brainwashed and...weird. He seemed to have no idea about the real world, and talked out of two sides of his mouth. Yet, he was adamant about what he said and couldn't have a normal conversation.

I'm a fairly outgoing and loquacious person and I manage to make most people feel comfortable, so it wasn't as awkward as it could have been, but just thinking about things he said and did makes me cringe.

The whole experience makes me wonder if I'll ever meet the right one. Will I ever get married? When will it be my chance at happiness? Am I supposed to compromise on something? I'm not overly picky or ridiculous. I'm not shallow or persnickety. What am I doing wrong? What is there left for me to do here? What does G-d want from me? Why are all my friends married, having their first or second kid, girls a lot younger than me dating briefly and getting married, and I'm left here single, dating weirdos, when I have a date at all?