How long am I meant to, in this circuitous labyrinth, wander?
Accompanied by many questions to contemplate and ponder.
Why meet so many people I am not meant to know,
John Doe after John Doe after John Doe after John Doe?
Why like people I can’t be friends with, be fascinated by someone I’m supposed to forget about?
How can I not get emotionally involved, not form a lasting connection, and just keep going out?
Can I miss someone I’m not supposed to like?
Can I like someone I’m not supposed to miss?
Why form a relationship, a connection, to then part ways and never speak thenceforth?
It begs the question of how much is this really all worth?
These are not just items at an auction, but real individuals that I date.
I’m an empathic people person, how can I not, to these guys, relate?
Why do I feel bad to be the one to ultimately say no,
Even if it is in the end an undeniable definite no-go?
Why is it that some guys seem to think that getting along is enough?
Even when hashkafos don’t match up, why does the no come as an unexpected rebuff?
Perhaps my feelings are too acute, too real, to be successful in this game.
Or am I just seeking something concrete, for my heartache, to blame?
Will these emotions stand me in good stead when the right one comes along?
Or is the emotional investment a sign that I’m doing something wrong?
Is there a method to the madness; a reason for the curse?
Perhaps an easier way through this parsha to traverse?
Why does this system feel so fake?
To me, it’s quite hazy and opaque.
Does it protect me; make me better off in some sense?
Is it, in some way, a protection of defense?
So much to cogitate and to ponder,
As I continue to, in this labyrinth, wander.
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