Living With Emunah

R' Daniel Glatstein references the pasuk, "Veyadata ki Ani Hashem (YKVK)" ("And you will know that I am Hashem"). He points out that there are the same amount of words in the Haggadah as the amount times YKVK is written in the Torah. He explains that this is the whole purpose of the Haggadah, of Pesach, to know "Ki Ani Hashem." This is Emunah.

Emunah is the main inyan of the Seder –– asking questions that we don’t answers to, because it's about asking, wanting to know, seeking. We do many things at the Seder "so that the children should ask," and then, when they finally ask, there is no clear answer (ie. we don't really answer the Four Questions/Ma Nishtana)! It's really just about the asking. 

The mitzvah of Pesach is "V'Hegadita l'vincha" ("Tell it to your children"), because children are natural seekers. Adults need to be reminded that they have to seek, they have to want. This is the purpose of doing all these things at the Seder 'so that the children should ask;' it's about questioning. 

Emunah comes to people who want it. The more you make G-d part of your life, the more the bekush (seeking), the more Emunah you'll uncover within you. You have to really want.

A lot of us are stuck in the simple level of Emunah. We don't realize that Emunah is not something out there to figure out, it's something inside. We need to unleash it, we need to be a m’vakesh (seeker). Daven for it. Ask G-d to help you uncover it. It is about knowing that G-d exists in everything, not as a solution, but just that He’s here with us.

In whatever challenge it's so easy to forget about Hashem. Sure, we daven to Him every day. We keep him in mind often. However, it's easy to forget, or perhaps to feel, that He orchestrates everything. Sure, there's hishtadlus we need to do, sometimes our free choice lands us in difficult situations, but at the end of the day if we can hold onto this idea that Hashem knows what is best for us, He feels our pain more than we do ourselves, living is a little bit easier.

Life Is Full of Goodbyes

Life is full of goodbyes.

So often we connect with people, we leave a part of ourselves with them, only to have to eventually say goodbye. This happens for some people more often than others. Some people connect more deeply or more easily. Life is about being able to leave that bit we give to the other person (or people) behind and keep moving forward.

I was having this conversation with a client a few days ago. She was talking about how it was hard to just let go of her relationships with her ex's family. She had great relationships with them and nothing against them. Whereas she didn't want to see or talk to her ex ever again, she missed his family whom she had been a part of for over ten years. We talked about how in life there are so many people you have to say goodbye to. Sometimes these people have left a piece of themselves with you, sometimes you with them, and sometimes it's both.

This happens in so many ways. Professionally, I face it all the time. I will often wonder how a client is doing long after they aren't a client any longer. They shared so much with me, I saw them through so much, and then they disappear as they go about their lives. It's how it's supposed to be. I'd imagine there are many professions like that. Teaching is similar, especially if it's one-on-one.

We can't always hold onto relationships we have. And we're not meant to. I'm sure I've written about this before, how relationships can be like bridges. They can help us get somewhere, but we don't necessarily need them once we've crossed them. People come into our lives for various reasons. I know I've met people that have enriched my life in so many ways even after they're no longer around.

I've written quite a bit on breakups, but this one post about love and loss comes to mind.

It's not the goodbyes that make us better perhaps, but to paraphrase a line from Romeo and Juliet, parting is always a sweet sorrow. It makes us look toward what is next up for us. Looking forward is always more helpful than looking back. (It is helpful to learn from mistakes, for sure, but that's always for a looking forward purpose.) Looking forward doesn't cheapen the experience we had, but it does let us file it away.

Does This Path Have Heart

Full confession: I like connecting with people. I thrive on it. I'm good at it, and it feels good. Perhaps we all like connection, some of us to greater or lesser extents. Yet, I think this is what makes dating excruciating at times for me. It's easy for me to create a connection fairly early. I think focused shidduch dating is like that. Is that real connection though?

I was talking to someone recently about this and he said that shidduch dating isn't about this. I argued with him. "What do you mean? Are you not trying to build a relationship with this person, get to know him/her better?" "Nope," he rejoined. "Dating is not about building a relationship. That's what marriage is for. Dating is about scouting out whether this person has all the necessary ingredients to want to, to be able to, to do this with."

I shared this discussion with a friend. She argued too. She pointed out that so much of the time when we're dating we want someone we can call at the end of the day and just shoot the breeze. We want someone who will care about what's going on in our day-to-day, someone who will be in our corner, etc. Believe me, your partner should be the person who you can just have a good time with and who will care about your mundane happenings and stand up for you. Yet, this doesn't need to be your relationship with him/her while you're dating. Of course this dynamic will develop a bit as you get to know each other. (If it doesn't I'd be concerned.)

I'm just sharing what I've learned. (Feel free to let me know your thoughts.) Instead of focusing on giving the person the benefit of the doubt while getting emotionally involved, it'd be best to look at him/her with a discerning eye. Does s/he have all the "need"s on my list?

I think this can get sticky, because I know that I have made judgements about people early on but continued dating them, and later those concerns went away. However, I'm not yet married, so perhaps those concerns gave way to other concerns and that gut feeling meant something in whatever way it manifested itself.

Back to my point though, I like connecting and putting my heart on the line. I feel like opening myself up completely will yield big returns. I actually don't know how to do it any other way. I honestly think it's my personality. To me, that's being real. Go big or go home? (Okay, I don't do that with most people, but too many I guess.) It's not an all or nothing, just a people focus, a need to see and be seen.

How does emotionally disconnecting and/or trying to be less emotionally involved work? Does that path have heart...?

Parshas Tzav

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

This week's parsha talks about the Korban Todah, the Thanksgiving Offering. Rashi tells us that a Toda is brought as gratitude for surviving a perilous situation: travelers (seafarers and those who have traversed a desert), rescued prisoners, and people who have recovered from a serious illness. The Zera Shimshon talks about how today since we do not bring korbanos, we recite the bracha of Hagomel instead.

The Gemara in Brachos (54b) asks the following question. The lashon that the halacha uses is that someone who falls into the four categories (outlined above) "needs" to recite Hagomel. Why does it not say that someone is "obligated," as it does for other halachos? (For example, "One is obligated to recite a blessing on bad news as he is on good news.")

The bracha of Hagomel requires a minyan. One may not be able to gather a minyan, and thus he is not "obligated," as he may not be able to gather ten men.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Tzav

Great Expectations

When I was younger I thought I would get married right away.

Now as I'm writing this I don't exactly know what "right away" actually means. I guess I thought this would be easy. Maybe put in my time, date a few people, but quickly find the right one to build a life with. I know that I thought dating was cool and fun for a few years. I loved (and still do) meeting new people, seeing new places, making connections, etc. But after awhile it got tiresome. It's no longer fun. I want to fast forward to the end of this segment of my story.

I guess I never really had to struggle like this. I've led a blessed life, if you will. If I wanted something, was willing to work for it, I got it, for the most part. That's not to say I haven't had any pain; I've had conflicts, I've had things I needed to work through. Yet, dating has taken it to a whole new level.

Some days I'm angry, some days I'm sad, some days I don't know how to feel. But then I remember, marriage may be a rite of passage, but it isn't a right. I get upset because I feel like I should be married. It's how things are supposed to happen.

What if I changed the narrative? What if I stopped thinking that I need to be married right now and focus on all the other amazing things I can do with my life, that I am doing with my life?

Perhaps if I didn't have younger siblings wanting me to get married already so they can get married guilt-free, or if all my friends weren't married with kids, etc., maybe that would make it easier. Even so, why do we live our lives so focused on everyone else? Our lives, our paths, diverge; no one has the same tafkid or needs the same things. It's so hard to remember this. I have this idea of how things should be, but, really, there are no "shoulds" or "supposed to bes."

Up until this "parsha," my life was sort of this easy cruise. Granted there were some roadblocks, but nothing that some redirecting couldn't get around. This is different. This is like being stuck in inching traffic with multiple crashes and watching the other cars in other lanes speeding by. But I'm not in those other lanes, and I need to make this meaningful. Stop making it "waiting," but "building" in it of itself.

I thought I knew how my life would unfold. I can't tell the future, and however convenient that might be, that would probably take away some of my free choice. It's not how life works. I have learned that expectations lead to disappointment. Thinking things should be a certain way leads to defeat. And so, I will live my life with an open mind and embrace all the opportunities and positive things I do have.

Parshas Vayikra

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The Midrash in Vayikra (1:6) tells us that Moshe Rabbeinu was troubled because he was not able to contribute anything towards the Mishkan. Hashem responds, "I enjoy your speech more than anything else."

The speech the Midrash is referring to is Moshe's ongoing conversations with the the craftsmen constructing the Mishkan. This overseeing was more precious than all the donations.

Bava Basra 9a tells us, "One who convinces someone to do a mitzvah is greater than the person himself who does the mitzvah." Moshe was the one who encouraged everyone else building the Mishkan and ensured that the construction took place, and Hashem treasured him for it. It was as if Moshe himself had done everything.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Vayikra

Parshios Vayakhel and Pekudei

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Vayakhel

Rashi tells us that Moshe Rabbeinu tells Bnei Yisroel about the prohibition of working on Shabbos before the mitzvah of building the Mishkan to let them know that construction of the Mishkan, work of the Mishkan, does not override Shabbos.

The question is, why would we think that work of the Mishkan would overrule the laws of Shabbos?

The Zera Shimshon explains that without Rashi's insight it might seem that since the work in the Mishkan is done on Shabbos, if one of the keilim needs to be repaired (to enable the work of the Mishkan, for example, to help the kohanim in karbanos offerings), it should be done on Shabbos too.

Therefore, the Torah tells us about Shabbos before Mishkan to make sure we realize that the work of the Mishkan does not override Shabbos.

Pekudei

The Midrash in Yalkut, (Melachim 184) tells us that R' Chanina says that the work of the Mishkan was completed on the 25th of Kislev, but Hashem delayed the erection of the Mishkan until the month of Nissan when Yitzchak Avinu was born. 

The Zera Shimshon asks why it is significant that the Mishkan was completed on the 25th of Kislev. Also, why did they delay putting up the Mishkan when they had hastened to construct it? Lastly, what does Yitzchak Avinu have to do with the Mishkan?

Rabbeinu Bachya writes that the Mishkan's construction corresponds to the creation of the world. 

The creation of the world took 72 hours: 6 days multiplied by 12 hours (as only the daytime hours are counted). The construction of the Mishkan took 72 days. (There were also 72 letters on the Choshen, also corresponding to the 72 letters of Hashem's name.) 

The calculation of the amount of days it took is as follows: Moshe Rabbeinu came down from the har on Yom Kippur and commanded the Jews to build the Mishkan. That's 20 days left in Tishrei, 29 in Cheshvan, 25 in Kislev. That equals 74 days, and then we subtract 2 days spent on collecting donations, ending with 72 days total spent on building the Mishkan. (We include Shabbos in this calculation, because although they didn't build on Shabbos, they spent Shabbos learning the halachos they needed to know to do this work.)

This is why the date of 25 Kislev is significant –– letting us know that the building of the Mishkan corresponds to the creation of the world and the letters of Hashem's name. Why then was the final erection delayed until the birth month of Yitzchak Avinu?

The Gemara in Shabbos (89b) tells us that both Avraham and Yaakov felt that Bnei Yisroel should be destroyed for their sins. However, Yitzchak Avinu felt that Hashem should show Bnei Yisroel mercy and take out His wrath k'vyachol on the Beis Hamikdash instead. (The Mishkan was called as such from the root "mashkon," collateral. It was literally collateral for the sins of Klal Yisroel.) Because Yitzchak played this role in making this suggestion, Hashem waited until this month that Yitzchak was born to show that He accepted Yitchak's argument. In the future, the Beis Hamikdash would serve as collateral for Klal Yisroel's sins, shielding them from destruction.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshios Vayakhel, Pekudei

Parshas Ki Sisa (Edited)

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

This week's parsha talks about Shabbos. The Gemara in Shabbos (118a) tells us that someone who makes Shabbos enjoyable will receive a portion "with no boundaries," "like that of Yaakov Avinu."*

There are a lot of questions surrounding this statement. First off, how is it possible for there to be "no boundaries" if it's a reward in this world? Even if it's a huge reward, the ends of the physical world is a boundary. If it's referring to the World to Come then how is this different than other mitzvos in which we are promised reward in the World to Come? It must be referring to this world then, a physical reward.

The Zera Shimshon explains. Hashem's middos of din and chessed are constantly battling each other. Hashem's chessed wants to give without borders, but the din prevents this. However, Accusers only have power when a person is chasing physical pleasures. When someone works on making Shabbos enjoyable, he is elevating the pleasures of this world, and they are no longer physical; they are spiritual. Therefore, Hashem's chessed is not impeded by din, and there are no physical boundaries to the reward he receives.

*Hashem promises Yaakov Avinu (Bereishis 28:14) that he will gain strength westward, eastward, northward, and southward, ie. no boundaries

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Ki Sisa