Temporary Friendships

The struggle, perhaps more on the female side of of our segregated communities, of staying friends with those people one was close with prior to getting married...

There's a certain connectedness people feel bonding over a shared circumstance and hardship. These are the friends that one develops when all her other peers have waltzed off into the sunset and left her behind in that stuck stage of life attempting to relate to those that have already caught their bus. It's difficult to relate when those cohorts, who once sat beside you and joined you in your worst worry about passing the Chumash final the following day, now they're fretting over tuition and a mortgage, while you cannot identify with those headches at all.

Does this mean that these relationships are less real or more temporary?

Perhaps one would never have chosen these "stand-ins" at some other stage in life, be it because of age, social, hashkafa, whatever, differences, but does this make the relationship any less real? Does this automatically mean that these friendships disappear when one finally has a ring on her finger?

There is a chance at that, for sure. We need people who can understand what we are going through to get through life. It's a shame if those relationships fall apart when one is no longer in the shared difficult situation, because perhaps it makes one believe that it's a less genuine relationship. Does that really have to be the case though?

Perhaps when two people really have very little in common and the only thing they connect over is the fact they are single, for example, it stands to reason that once one of them gets married their friendship will dissolve. However, motivating circumstances may be the thing that brought said people together, but once they get to know each other, they can become fast friends - a relationship that doesn't disintegrate when identifying factors change.

I have had a number of these friendships, the type where once someone no longer finds himself/herself in a challenging situation do they value the relationship the same. It hurts the most though when they cannot remember what it feels like. I guess forgetting that fast is a bracha, really.

Someone once shared with me a poetic essay comparing people to bridges and how someone can help get you somewhere, yet disappear behind you once you've "crossed" it. Her point was really how to leave an ex in the past but still learn from him/her. This concept, though, works here too. I'm not suggesting that we ditch our friends when we no longer are in the same stage, but there is something to be said about finding those connections that help you get through life at that particular moment based on what you are going through.