If You Want Something, Ask

Looking back, we probably should have taken a break when he went on vacation for two weeks while we were at an awkward stage in our relationship. Instead, we ended up doing a lot of texting and the occasional call or video call when he had some spare time. That ended in disaster. We had some major misunderstandings, and we ended up arguing. I guess what it really boiled down to was the expectations we had, unshared, unvoiced, but expected all the same.

One fine day while he was on vacation and he knew I was traveling (driving with passengers, so not much ability there for communication), he later told me that he was so mad that I hadn't texted him all day. He was playing a game of chicken, waiting for me to reach out, not going to be the one to initiate contact "all the time."

Honestly, I didn't feel like we needed to talk/text every single day, and he was on vacation, I truthfully didn't want to bother him. I was also busy. If I had something I wanted specifically to share with him, I would, and did, but that particular day I did not. I figured he would touch base if he wanted to, and if not, we would check in later that day probably before we went to sleep just to say hey. If not, we would talk/text the next day.

Later that evening I sent him a picture of something I was working on for him. (I shouldn't have been...the things we do for the people we think we have obligations to. But that's a different discussion entirely.) He later told me that he took that as an olive branch. I hadn't reached out to him all day, so this was my way of apologizing. He was still really mad at me for not talking to him.

"I know you were traveling and busy today, but you were "online" on WhatsApp..."

Are you kidding me? Just send me a message if you wanted to talk!

Why complicate life?

Missing somebody?…Call

Wanna meet up?…Invite

Wanna be understood?…Explain

Have questions?…Ask

Don’t like something?…Say it

Like something?…State it

Want something?…Ask for it

Love someone?…Tell it

We just have one life, keep it simple.

Guys and girls alike: people aren't mind readers. He probably won't pick up on your subtleties. If something is wrong, you need to say so. "Fine," doesn't mean "I'm not okay. Please probe." You can't expect her to know that you want her to do something unless you tell her. Communication is key even if you think the other person knows, or should know, what to do or what you want. If you want something, ask. What do you lose?