Just Give Me A Reason

I guess this post really wanted to be written. I had the idea awhile back when I had many names on the table and I had declined most of them. I got some slack for that, and the people suggesting the ideas wanted to know why I was saying no.

"Please give me a reason why so-and-so isn't for you."

Now, I get it if this is a shadchan who really thinks s/he may know someone for me and wants to tweak future suggestions. But what if it's someone random? What if the person doesn't know him and doesn't know me? What if she just went off the fact that we live in the same city and are around the same age? Why does she have to argue with me when I tell her he isn't for me? What if he just said yes clearly because he saw a picture of me? (Getting a yes literally 15 minutes after someone asked me for my profile to send to a guy. What else was he basing it on?) There were myriad permutations of this scenario that occurred.

At the time I got pretty frustrated. I jotted down some notes for a future blog post. I forgot about it. It wasn't as burning anymore. Then the following happened.

About three or four months ago or so someone sent me a video resume of a guy. It did not do him any favors. I'll leave it at that. It was unclear at the time if she had suggested it to him or she was just running it by me first. I'm certain she didn't watch the video. I said "Thanks for thinking of me. He's not for me." This happens to be a shadchan I deal with on a somewhat frequent basis, and she didn't interrogate me why I said no.

About a month ago and half ago, maybe a little longer, someone random sent me the resume of this same guy with a yes. I politely declined.

I got a message, "So-and-so wants to know what about him makes you say he's not for you."

I'm pretty sure I didn't respond to that message.

Today I got a resume with a yes. This guy.

I politely declined. I respectfully told the shadchan suggesting it that it had been suggested in the past and I had said no at the time and the answer was still no.

(I'm going to interrupt myself here for a second. Weird story, two weeks ago another guy who had said yes to me and I had said "no thanks" to came back via a yes from another shadchan. I don't understand. Are these guys playing a game? Do they think I don't remember that I said no? That I will change my mind if someone else redts it? Or did they not remember that we did this already?)

Back to my story, the shadchan messages me and says, "So-and-so wants to know how he can better himself so you will go out with him."

That was taking it a bit too far.

I think my message was fairly polite when I replied that he had been suggested before and I had said no, the question was posed before, and why was he running after me. I also said that he's not what I'm looking for and didn't think it was necessary for me to go into detail.

She was apologetic and said she didn't realize, and she agreed with me.

For real, must I give a reason why someone isn't for me to every suggestion? Honestly sometimes the answer is that a guy is too nerdy, not socially adept enough, or not smart enough. Does he really want to hear that?

Does everyone need a reason?