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Hi there! I'm not sure if I shared this link before, perhaps not, because when I started this new blog it was kind of half-baked (as you can see from the lonely two posts I wrote back then). I'm sharing this now for the accountability. 

Blogging feels kind of nostalgic now. We've moved onto faster, flashier ways of sharing - shorts, disappearing "stories," curated snapshots with just enough vulnerability to be relatable (if that). But I miss the intentionality and thoughtfulness of blogging. The way it invites you to sit with a thought rather than just scroll past it. 

Check out the link and let me know what you think. The world (and I as well) has changed so much in the last 10 years, but I'm hoping to pick up where I left off (if not at a much slower pace) -- share some insight, hope, and perspective. Even if you're just here because you're curious or are hoping to be entertained, maybe you'll learn something. 

Hello Again

Hey! Thanks for visiting!

Recently a few people have asked me, “You wrote a shidduch blog? Why’s it look like it’s divrei torah/parsha?”

So yes, I’m not blogging here anymore, as my sojourn in this “parsha” is thankfully over. If you missed that, see this post. But there’s still some great content here (if I may say so myself); check out my archives and labels.

I’m still around, and any comments show up in my email, so feel free to reach out. Or email me directly. You can find that info in my “about me.”

I still deal with all this in some capacity; in my real life I’m a therapist and relationship coach. Happy to help if I can!

Happy reading.

Parshas Eikev

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

This week's parsha tells us "V'haya eikev tishmiun es hamishpatim...v'shamar Hashem Elokecha licha..." if you keep the mitzvos Hashem will watch over you and bestow you with kindness.

The Gemara in Kiddushin (39b) and in Eiruvin (22a) tells us that the reward for mitzvos is in the World to Come and we don't see reward in this world. Is this a contradiction to this pasuk?


The Zera Shimshon explains that if one just keeps the mitzvos out of a sense of obligation his reward is in the World to Come; however, if he goes above and beyond and does mitzvos because he loves Hashem and strives to be Godly person, he will see rewards of this in this world.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Eikev

Parshas V'eschanan

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

This week's parsha talks about observing mitzvos and following all that Hashem has commanded us. The Zera Shimshon brings a Gemara in Avoda Zara (3a), which states that now is the time to do mitzvos, because one will no longer be able to do mitzvos in the World to Come.

The main avoda of this world is -- in the words of the Zera Shimshon -- to be borer, to differentiate between good and evil. On Shabbos borer is not allowed. The World to Come will be completely Shabbos-like. Additionally, borer is often done with a utensil, a more effective way to separate good and bad; Torah is our utensil to differentiate between good and evil.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas V'eschanan

Parshas Devarim

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Rashi tells us that the mussar Bnei Yisroel receive in this week's Parsha is regarding the maan ("...Bein Tofel v'Lavan..." -- there is no such place, rather it's referring to the lavan - white maan) about which they complained regarding its whiteness. 

In Behaaloscha it explains that they complained that for all the traveling they wanted something substantial to eat to revive their spirits. The Zera Shimshon brings a Gemara in Shabbos that talks about how someone who has bloodletting done should eat meat and drink wine to bring back their nefesh and restore the redness of the blood they lost. Although the maan was easily the most amazing food, and it could taste like anything, they wanted actual meat.

The mussar is speaking to their ingratitude regarding the whiteness of the maan. The Zera Shimshon brings a Gemara in Kesubos that talks about the importance of a smile, showing the whiteness of one's teeth, and how it's worth more than a cup of milk, sustenance. Moshe Rabbeinu is giving Bnei Yisroel mussar for not appreciating the smile Hashem was giving them, the white of the maan, instead they wanted the red, the sustenance. They failed to see the good in what they had.

We learn from this how easy it is to overlook the good that we have in favor of what we think might be better for us.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Devarim

Parshios Matos-Masei

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Matos

Moshe speaks to the heads of the shvatim, and the mefarshim tell us that the Shechinah spoke directly through his throat unlike other prophets. With other neviim it says "so says Hashem," but with Moshe he says, "this is the word of Hashem."

The Zera Shimshon cites the Amudeh Shivah who quotes the Rama M'Pano who tells us that every neshama in the universe was part of Adam HaRishon (some in his mouth, some in his brain, some in other parts of his body). Thus, every neshama recieved some enjoyment from the cheit of him eating from the Eitz HaDaas and was damaged spiritually. Moshe Rabbeinu was also part of Adam Harishon; however, his neshama was in Adama's trachea (not his esophagus that would have received enjoyment from eating the forbidden fruit). As Adam's trachea received no enjoyment from the fruit, Moshe's neshama was purer, and the Shechinah was able to be projected from Moshe's throat. 

Masei

The pasuk tells us that Bnei Yisroel journeyed from Ramses and they went forth "b'yad ramma," an upraised hand. The Zera Shimshon asks why the Torah says an upraised hand rather than a "strong hand" like it says in many other places.

He answers that different wordage is used to described different types of neisim. "A strong hand" refers to a physical miracle. "An upraised hand" refers to a spiritual miracle.

At the time that the Jewish people were leaving Ramses, the Egyptians were burying their firstborns, which the pasuk tells us Hashem had struck, as well as inflicting punishments on the Egyptians' gods. Hashem had proved, k'vyachol, His power over all their avoda zara and thus it was a spiritual show of His greatness, not a physical one.


Source: Zera Shimshon Parshios Matos, Masei

Parshas Pinchas

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The Midrash in this week's parsha tells us that as a reward for killing Zimri, Hashem granted Pinchas "great peace." The Zera Shimshon asks why it doesn't say "Pinchas was great and was given the gift of peace," why does it emphasize that the peace was "great"?

The Zera Shimshon brings another Midrash in this parsha that explains that peace is so powerful that even if Klal Yisroel were to be worshipping avoda zara the Satan would not be able to harm them. From this it is extrapolated that peace impedes the Satan's capabilities. (We therefore daven every day that we should have peace and with it the ultimate salvation. Peace is so important!)

This is all referring to regular peace, says the Zera Shimshon. The peace that Pinchas was rewarded was the ultimate peace, utmost protection from the Satan. Pinchas was transformed into a malach and therefore the Satan no longer had any power over him, because death was no longer a factor for him.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Pinchas

Parshas Balak

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The pasuk tells us "Those that you bless are blessed, and whom you curse will be cursed." The question is why there are two different tenses –– bless in present tense and curse in future.

The Zera Shimshon says that when giving a bracha the blessing is immediate; Bilaam's bracha was immediate. A curse, however, is delayed and takes place at a point in the future, thus the tense is future.

He brings the example of Moshe Rabbeinu when Hashem told him to put his hand into his cloak and when he took it out it was covered in tzaraas. He then put it back into his cloak and before he even took it out it was back to normal. It only turned leprous with tzaraas after he took it out of his cloak, but already it was healed when he returned his hand to inside his cloak even before removing it for a second time. This is because blessing happens immediately, and a curse is delayed.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Balak

Parshas Chukas

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Rashi in Bamidbar tells us that Miriam HaNaviah's death is written about after the section regarding Parah Adumah to tell us that the death of a tzadik(es) atones for sins the same way a Parah Adumah does.

The Zera Shimshon asks if this is so, why doesn't the Torah write about Miriam's death after the section regarding karbanos that atone for sins (like the chatas) rather than the Parah Aduma which effectively "just" makes those impure pure?

He explains that talking about the death of Miriam after Parah Aduma teaches us an added condition. It isn't just the death of the tzadik that atones, just as with the Parah Aduma the person doesn't just become pure solely from the Kohen sprinkling the ashes. With the Parah Aduma, the person has to not only have the Kohen purify him by sprinkling him with the ashes mixed with water, he must also act on his own behalf and go to the mikveh. We learn too that the death of a tzadik does not automatically bring atonement. The people must also internalize the pain from the loss of such a great person, and this pain will bring them to do teshuva. The teshuva, the people acting on their own behalf, will bring the atonement.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Chukas

Parshas Korach

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

In this week's parsha we learn about Machlokes Korach, and the Torah tells us "Lo yeheyeh k'Korach v'adaso kasher dibear Hashem b'yad Moshe lo." "Do not be like Korach and his congregation, as Hashem spoke regarding him through the hands of Moshe.

The Zera Shimshon quotes the Reish Lakish who says, "We learn from here that it is forbidden to involve oneself in an argument." Rav said "Anyone who chooses to involve himself in an argument is guilty of the negative transgression of 'Do not be like Korach and his congregation'."

Rav Ashi takes this further and says that anyone who involves himself in an argument deserves to be stricken with tzaraas. What's the connection? We see that tzaraas befalls one who speaks lashon hara, but how does it connect to machlokes?

Each person is created in the image of G-d and has part of the Shechinah within him. When someone speaks badly about someone it is as if he insulted the piece of the Shechinah in him. Similarly, someone who willingly involves himself in a machlokes and brings shame to others besmirches their tzelem Elokim (piece of G-d). Machlokes is similar to lashon hara in that they both cause someone to lose their tzelem Elokim.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Korach

Parshas Shelach

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Before the miraglim went into Eretz Yisroel Moshe changed Yehoshua’s name to give him extra shmeira and Divine Assistance. The Zera Shimshon asks why Moshe didn’t change the names of all the miraglim, only his student Hoshea?

The Arizal says that when the miraglim went into Eretz Yisroel they were given the neshamos of the shevatim. Every spy was given the neshama of the progenitor of his shevet. The shevet of Levi did not send a spy because they were not going to be given a nachala in Eretz Yisroel. However, Yehoshua bin Nun, from shevet Ephraim, received the neshama of Levi enabling the spy of shevet Menashe to receive the neshama of Yosef.

Were Yehoshua to sin while he were in Eretz Yisroel, he would leave a blemish on the neshama of shevet Levi. Therefore, Moshe Rabenu changed his name to give him Divine Assistance.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Shelach

Parshas Bahaaloscha

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Moshe cries out for his tzaraas-stricken sister: "Heal her, please G-d," he entreats. Rashi asks why add the words "Please G-d," and explains that it teaches us that whenever someone is asking for something he should add pleasant words while making a request.

The Zera Shimshon expounds that it is important to always conduct conversations with derech eretz especially when asking for something.

The Torah tells us that Moshe screams out to Hashem, but the Gemara in Brachos (24b) tells us that someone who raises his voice during davening is following in the way of a navi sheker. This teaches us that we're supposed to daven quietly.

The Rema, however, tells us that one is allowed to raise his voice in prayer in order to teach his children how to daven.

The Ohr HaChaim points out that the pasuk uses the lashon of "leimor," which means to tell over. Whenever the pasuk says "leimor" it means it is a lesson in some way for Bnei Yisroel. This is why Moshe Rabbeinu cried out in a loud voice and used these words of "Please G-d." It was to teach us a lesson about how we should daven by displaying derech eretz while making a request.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Bahaaloscha

The End (of the Beginning)

For my blog this may be the end, but as for me, it is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. It is simply the end of the beginning.

At some points, I must admit, I wasn't sure if I would make it here, stuck running the hamster wheel, trying hard not to be living in a beginning.

If this proves anything though, it can and will happen. It just needs to be the right time. Maybe there was just so much hishtadlus to do before we could get here. Clearly, Hashem runs the world and He knows what He’s doing.

With all this talk about being worth the wait, I just have to say that there will always be things that we just don’t understand. We think we know what’s best for us, but we only see a small piece of it all.

This ends my sojourn in this realm. I'm giving up my warrior status and handing off my sword. I will hopefully continue to post parsha every week, but thankfully I’m done shidduch blogging.

So long and farewell.

Parshas Naso

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The Parsha tells us that anyone who doesn’t see the Kohen to bring terumos and maaseros will end up having to see the Kohen for a failed marriage (he will bring his wife to the Kohen to drink Sotah water).

The Gemara in Shabbos (119a) tells us that when we take maaser we become wealthy. When a person lives the way he’s supposed to, and does the mitzvos, he becomes wealthy. Whereas, when he avoids his obligations, he loses two things -wealth and his marriage.

When we do what we’re supposed to do we get rewarded. When we don’t do what we’re supposed to do we not only don’t get rewarded, but often get punished as well. Sometimes when something seems hard to do, if we could put it into perspective and think about what we gain and how important it is it may be a lot easier.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Naso

Naaseh V'nishma: Shavuos Repost

A little something about Shavuos I wrote last year here.

Have a good y"t! May it be a meaningful personal Kabalas HaTorah for you and yours and may you accept it with its kessarim.

Kesser (כתר) is a remez to the specific gifts we were given with the Torah. (I don't know the source of this...)

כ- כח ת- תיקונים ר- רצון 

כ-We were given the ability to perform all the mitzvos, an extra koach to stand up to our yetzer hara and be mikayem kol hatorah. 

ת- We were also given the ability for our mitzvos to affect the world and higher worlds! 

ר- Finally, we received the cheshek, the ratzon, to keep the mitzvos. In order to live by all the mitzvos in the Torah we need this undying will. During Matan Torah Hashem placed the deepest desire to fulfill all His commandments into every single Yid's neshama.

Every Shavuos is a reenactment of Matan Torah. It is a chance to revitalize our Yiraas Shamyim and recommit to keeping all the mitzvos. We receive these matanos anew every year...if we want them. R' Matisyahu Solomon says that we can procure these gifts for ourselves by davening with kavanah  and joy and have the special kavanah of collecting these gifts when we say "Ata B'chartanu" and "...Zman Matan Torahseinu."

Chag sameach!

Parshas Bamidbar

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The Midrash in Bamidbar Rabbah (2:2) tells us that at the time of Matan Torah Bnei Yisroel saw that the malachim were grouped around flags, and they said that they wanted flags as well. Hashem told Moshe to make them flags as they desired.

The purpose of a flag is such that everyone knows their place and peace reigns in the camp. The angels have flags, and so they get along well. Bnei Yisroel wanted this everlasting peace as well.

When there is peace nothing can harm us. The flags unify each shevet and delineate where everyone is supposed to be and thus what they are supposed to do. When this is clear, there is shalom. The Satan's source of power is confusion and lack of clarity, which causes machlokes among people. Shalom is a kli that holds bracha. 

When there is peace among us, the Satan cannot harm us.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Bamidbar

Parshas Behar-Bechukosia

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

Behar

The pasuk that commands us regarding shemittah begins in plural and changes to singular: "Ki savo'u -- When you (plural) come into the land...shanim tizra sadecha -- for six years you (singular) should sow your field." Why the change? Also, why does the wording make it seem like it's an obligation to sow the field when we know the mitzvah is to let the land lay fallow in the seventh year for shmittah?

After Moshiach comes, says the Zera Shimshon, the world will revert back to the likes of Adam HaRishon kodem hacheit and we will not have to work for parnossa. However, a Jew that is not on this level of acting righteously and therefore is not zoche to this bracha, he will have to work, ie. plow the the fields for six years. This is why this part of the pasuk is written in singular. Only the individual that is not living his life accordingly will have to work.   

Bechukosai

The Torah says, "go in My statues," "observe My commandments," "perform them." When it gets to the klalos one might expect it to follow this pattern and say, "If you don't go in My statutes," "if you don't observe My commandments," etc., but it uses different terms instead.

The Zera Shimshon questions why the Torah seemingly repeats itself and why the lashonos with the klalos are different than that of the brachos.

He goes on to explain that every person is obligated to love mitzvos and hate aveiros. If he doesn't love mitzvos he may may not have the excitement and energy to fulfill them properly. If he doesn't he aveiros he can easily slip up and sin without intending to. Emotions play a large role in our actions.

The pasuk repeats itself to make a point. "If you will go in My statutes" refers to feeling hatred for aveiros, and "observing My commandments" is about loving mitzvos. If we reach this level of love for mitzvos and hate for aveiros then we will reach the level of "performing them" properly.

The language when it comes to the klalos is different, because it is saying that if you don't reach this level of "performing them" properly (loving mitzvos and hating aveiros) it will bring you to a situation in which you do not listen to Me.

Carelessness within mitzva observance is a slippery slope and once someone stops caring about committing transgressions, he might even come to the place where he finds mitzvos repulsive.

This is why the parsha tells us that if it comes to the situation in which Klal Yisroel reaches this stage that Hashem will ch"vsh act to us in the same fashion and come to hate us and give us anything good at all.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshios Behar, Bechukosai

Parshas Emor

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

This week's parsha talks about the commandment that Kohanim should not become impure. The Midrash in Vayikra Rabba (26:6) talks about how because Aharon and sons had such yiraas Shamayim they were given this mitzvah until the end of time.

This particular mitzvah is singled out here (among other mitzvos exclusive to Kohanim like not marrying a divorcee), because no matter what Kohanim are not allowed to become tamey, and they will always have this special relationship with Hashem.

One might think that in these times when it is assumed that everyone is impure because we have no parah aduma that it wouldn't make a difference if Kohanim became impure as well. However, this mitzvah reflects the promise that Hashem will always have this relationship with Kohanim, that He will dwell amongst, essentially, them even among impurity.

This is a lesson about Kohanim, but to take a leap here and add my own personal take on this Torah...there is so much impurity in our world, and we often do things that contribute to this. However, like last week's parsha taught us, we can always be separate, holy, even amongst impurity.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Emor

From Behind the Lines

Let's talk about this blog's title.

What's the battle? Where's the battle? Why do I think I'm a warrior? Who is fighting?

Okay, so clearly, shidduchim is not a battle, nor a battlefield, in a literal sense. It isn't a fight. But I do feel like this stage of my life is often a struggle for my own sanity, my own sense of self, my own confidence in myself and what I'm doing, and a battle of wits (sometimes).

If we really have to break it down (though I personally like the ambiguity in it, because it leaves something for each of you to interpret), the warriors are the singles who are forced into the foray of battle. Regardless whether they want to fight or not, regardless of whether they've found their armor or not, they will take hits. Maybe not all. Maybe some will get to the other side unscathed, but if they are forced to stay in this war long enough, they will have to nurse some wounds at some point.

The fight is for self. The fight is for not losing what is dear to one's sense of worth, his values. Perhaps a tad dramatic, yes, but think about it. This journey forces one to take a look at himself/herself and decide what he wants to keep and what he wants to let go.

The struggle is dealing with everyone else that pops up along the way. Perhaps it's a well meaning friend, shadchan, random whoever, who unwittingly hits you where it hurts. Because in battle you're always on guard.

The battle is inside the head and heart of the single. S/he can choose to ignore, mute, disregard, compartmentalize it. S/he can exaggerate, exacerbate, and emphasize it. We all have that choice. Perhaps at one point one way is better than the other. Sometimes the battlefield is quiet, and sometimes it's deafening. Sometimes it's dark, and sometimes it is light. Sometimes we fight alone, and sometimes we have others by our side.

We all have armor of some sort hopefully, and while I choose to often fight without parts of it, perhaps you show up with it on. No two experiences are alike. We're all just doing our best to get through this unharmed.

Be True to You

Stay strong
And be true
Stay disciplined
Be you

Don't let life
Bog you down
With all its
Valleys and its crowns

Keep trucking
Along
Write your own lyrics
To your song

Live life
With intention
Don't just coast
Not paying attention

No decision
Is a choice too
Just 'cuz it's hard
Doesn't mean it's out of true

We're all in own cars
Even if on the same street
Different experiences
Punching a different time sheet

You only have
One life to live
So much to do
All this to give