There's an interesting story about a tenured college professor who was fired from her position when her students brought a picture found on her Facebook wall to the college administration's attention. Apparently, this up-until-now respected professor had gotten drunk at a party one night and subsequently posted a picture of that night's festivities -- herself in a skimpy sailor's outfit guzzling a bottle of whiskey. The administrators argued that in no certain terms did they want such a person molding the minds of their impressionable young charges. Of course the professor sued for her job, and for damages, with the argument that her Facebook was personal and had nothing to do with her professional life. The case made its way all the way to the Supreme Court of her state. Their final ruling, based on a study by some important researchers, was that Facebook is the reality that which its users create for themselves. It is the world that they wish they could live in. Thus, whatever was on this woman's Facebook page reflects who she wants to be, and the college had every right to let her go.
This story, or rather the outcome of the case, brings up many important points of how many people hide behind fake or virtual reality, mostly when their true reality gets too painful to face, or maybe they just need a warranted break. It doesn't have to be through the medium of falsifying one's image via social media. There are many ways that this is done: watching a movie or TV show, reading an absorbing novel, getting really involved in a video game, daydreaming, or some other form of entertainment that one is able to lose himself in. Of course, some of these things are healthier than others. They can be great coping mechanisms, as long as the activity does not become one's new reality.
Personally, the harder things are in my life, the more time I spend with friends, or if they're really hard, engaged in stronger modes of distraction. I can confidently say that the first choice is most likely the healthier one, and talking things out, self expression, is probably the best way to cope with challenges, but friends aren't always available or simply cannot always understand. There's also a limit to how much they want to hear you complain. But not only that, sometimes distractions work better. I guess it's really a difference between chilling with friends as a distraction versus spending time with them as a means to vent. I find that self expression is cathartic, whether it's talking things out, writing, or some other form of creative expression. Yet, some things go beyond that. They require heavy-duty distraction.
There is something to be said for being able to completely leave your reality for a limited period of time. I totally get what drugs and alcohol hold for a user (an occasional user, as an addict is another story). So in the way of looking for a less dangerous and/or addictive option, fiction fights reality pretty darn well.
Someone once told me that his drug of choice was sleep. When one is sleeping, he explained, he's in cool oblivion, unable to feel any of the pain in his life. The guy is now on prescribed antidepressants, but he did have a point, even though professionally that comment did seem a bit unstable. How healthy is looking for ways to distract oneself from reality? Certainly when "things" become the way we assuage pain it can't be good. That usually ends up in you relying on that fix to get to zero; just ask an addict, whether his addiction is drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, shopping, gaming, porn, or internet, I'm pretty sure he'd agree.
I see distraction as a coping mechanism. There's a limited amount of times that you can talk yourself in circles about something without being able to fix it. Although running away from it doesn't make the situation any better either, sometimes you just need to tune out and turn off for a bit. What it boils down to, at least for me, is that distraction takes one's attention, and the edge, off of the painful/challenging/harsh reality of real life.
In the battle of shidduchim, I am a warrior. Every day is a fight for sanity, for clarity, and peace of mind. This is an uncensored account of my shidduch trials and tribulations –– the often emotional, sometimes poetic, confessions of a shidduch dater –– my colorful musings and reflections from behind the lines.
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