The whole concept of a rebound relationship is getting into another relationship too soon (emotionally) after breaking off another significant relationship. In many cases, it's used to mask the emotional pain, have a connection with someone else just to stop feeling vulnerable and alone. With shidduch dating it gets a little more complicated.
I said "no," or rather, "not right now," to the guy who I got a "yes" from about a week after my big break-up. We agreed that if we were both available after he's done finals then we'll go out possibly. Another guy who sounded more on par was on the horizon, but then this boy came up and made it through the vetting process.
So...coming back from my first date post break-up, I know this guy just isn't rebound material. It's a good thing, I'm pretty sure. With him, I'm forced to be Miss Good Girl. Yeah, she's in there somewhere, even if Mr. Ex brought out my super fun party flirty side (even as we were being serious about life). I don't think this guy will last too long, but we do second dates for a reason, right? He's a good guy, nothing's wrong...just too nicey nice and straight to be my type. Can't say no for that reason, can I? Not yet.
I want to date the bad boy, but I don't necessarily want to marry him. Mr. Ex about got that right when he asked me if he could be my boyfriend. Trouble is, that doesn't really work out too well in a shomer negia world, plus it's stupid because I want to get married, not just date. And yet, I don't want to marry Mr. Straight Nicey Nice either. There must be a middle ground here! Just a little shtoltz, not major guyva.
A few years ago, the only other time I dated a guy long enough to actually be able to call it a real relationship, I definitely rebounded after we broke up. What'd I know from rebounds? Two weeks after I broke up with the guy I'd just dated for two months, I went out with this other new guy. I don't think I appreciated it at the time, but he was a dude. I can't remember much about him, aside from the inappropriate comments he made -- I take some responsibility for that I guess -- and that he was a serial dater.
The fact that he was a serial dater probably had what to do with his reaction to me. Here's this guy who dates another girl every weekend, and they all start blurring together. They're all the same after awhile. So then he meets this girl who's totally rebounding and relating to him like she's known him for awhile, and he's flattered so much he thinks that she's the one. I'm not going to go into what happened from there, but take my word for it that it was bad news. Basically, I broke it off after a few dates for a legit reason and he had no clue what hit him.
I get where he was coming from. He takes the girl home and she sits in his car in front of her house and shmoozes for another hour. Heck, I was just used to doing that; it'd become the norm for me. He made some comment about my facial expressions and I challenged him to guess what they all meant. Two Month Guy could read them all, I expected Rebound Guy to do that too for no logical reason. This guy kinda blurred into the other guy, and it really wasn't about Rebound Guy at all. All those feelings, those were about Two Months.
This time around, I'm trying my best not to rebound. I waited almost a full month to date since the break-up, and I've healed a lot. The problem is that this current guy I'm pretty sure knows Mr. Ex, but I only know this because they go to the same yeshiva and other such identifying details. I'm not sure if he knows I dated (read: was in a serious relationship with) his friend, maybe even roommate (?) ... less than a month ago at that. I want to ask, but I was warned against it for so many reasons. Either way, like I said, he's not the rebound type. I don't feel comfortable just being myself and saying whatever whenever. I guess that's a good thing. I guess that means I don't like him. I guess that means I shouldn't waste his time or mine. So, the position's open...will you be my rebound?
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