Featured Post

The End (of the Beginning)

For my blog this may be the end, but as for me, it is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. It is simply the end of the begi...

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Hoping For A Change

We all have our vices. For some people they're innocent –– an extra piece of cake, a handful of candy, lots of shoes, whatever. Other people struggle with more "addictive" habits. Sometimes these things are actual defects of character –– an anger management issue, excessive arrogance, etc. Sometimes the person is defined by this bad habit or struggle.

For the million dollar question: can this, will this, person change? Maybe you're a good influence on him/her. Maybe you bring out the best in him/her. Will you marry him/her knowing that you can't change him/her and s/he may not change even if s/he promises s/he will/is changing?

First things first: people can change.

Prelude to that though, changes someone makes for someone else don't tend to last.

What happens, too, when that person is under stress? Do those habits come back? How disciplined is this person? Does that even matter? Habits are ingrained. They create pathways in one's brain. An alcoholic can slip back into the drink even after years and years of sobriety.

If it's a middos thing, I would venture to say that working on one's middos in a skillful way can really change who s/he is. But even then, in a stressful situation perhaps old habits will rear their head. It might just take a slight thing that will send the person spiraling. But then, the person who has had to work through a challenge is that much stronger in the face of adversity. No one is perfect.

There's no clear answer to this question, but I will leave you with this. You need to really like and accept the person for who s/he is even with this shortcoming. If this person does not change, or if this person slips back into old ways, you need to know that you can live with him/her.

You can't marry someone hoping they will change.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Pageviews