Featured Post

The End (of the Beginning)

For my blog this may be the end, but as for me, it is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. It is simply the end of the begi...

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Single and Ready to Flamingle: The Pitfalls of Singles' Events

While I addressed the general drawbacks here re singles' events, I feel the need to revisit the topic and add a few more hazards to be aware of.

While this first one isn't necessarily something I would generally include in such a post, as it's a bit of a different flavor than my other "things to be wary of," I'm adding it in, because I know a few people who would appreciate it.

Do yourself a favor and find out if your ex (or anyone you've previously dated whom you don't want to run into) is going to be there. If s/he will be, it might actually ruin the whole thing for you. It can make it really uncomfortable, and you won't be able to be yourself the whole time.

Broader picture, how helpful is it when after an event you get feedback that a majority of the guys/girls are interested in you? Especially when they're not for you? So maybe you're good at making small talk, meeting new people, making people feel comfortable. It doesn't mean you actually want to date the guys/girls you ended up having extended conversations with. So yes, the conversation was smooth and easy, but so are the majority of conversations you have with people in general.

I know that I need one-on-one time to connect with someone. Preferably someone I've heard a bit about and know that the "on paper" makes sense. Talking with someone, even someone I may have an initial "click" with, doesn't mean marriage potential.

Often, someone you meet on your own (however much "on your own" an event really is) equals a dating relationship without a shadchan, at a point in time in the relationship that there probably should be a go-between. I'm a big advocate for being an adult and fostering communication between the two parties themselves, but sometimes it doesn't work out great. It's really helpful to have a shadchan involved that can help facilitate marriage-minded dating and assist with issues that come up.

As per personal experience, this has gotten me into situations where I should never have had to explain to the guy himself why I didn't think things were shyuch. After one or two dates it's not even really helpful. It's more hurtful than anything else, because generally that means it's something foundational or no click or whatever. Meaning, it's not really about the person, it's about how it's just not a good fit. I feel like that hurts more coming from the person herself/himself than through a third party.

Another pitfall is that everyone at the event is highly aware of what guy is/was talking to what girl and vice versa. There's jealousy and all-around nosiness, maybe even competition. Everyone wants to know what is happening. Maybe you wanted to speak to the guy or girl someone else is talking to. Maybe you're envious because you didn't hit it off with anyone.

It almost feels like The Bachelor. Too much drama. Does it make any sense for someone to say it's "insensitive" for someone to talk to the same guy/girl ("hijack" him/her) for an hour? Isn't that what you're supposed to do at these things? I'm truly sorry for you (not being sarcastic, sincere in this), if it wasn't as easy for you to strike up conversation with someone you were interested in, but why take that out on people who did?

We're all single. No one is better off than the other. Does there really have to be this competition? If  your friend connected with someone and you didn't, s/he is not taking anything away from you.

I guess that would be a drawback as well. If someone isn't great on his/her feet, doesn't do well with small talk, doesn't make a particularly positive first impression, perhaps these events are not for him/her.

And finally, even on the guys' side there's hock. I actually had a guy randomly sit down next to me and say, "You're the girl with the blog?" So yes, I did mention I blog as my "fun fact" during a speed-dating activity. He wasn't there at that table though. Maybe it was just this crowd, but I could imagine (and hope) that there's less yenting (even when guys swap names and details about their dates) when dating happens one on one and not in a big mixed crowd.

Maybe events are helpful for some people, but even if they're entertaining or fun, they're not helpful for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Pageviews