Now, I do believe that one can be happy and content in life with only his own approval. There are, however, basic safety and belonging needs that need to be met before self-actualization, true contentment, is possible. The question is then, what kind of security needs, what kind belonging and love, is the minimum level required to be happy? I’m sure it’s different for every person. It is perhaps rooted in early attachments and one’s level of self-esteem. Maybe it's even about expectations and general life productivity and accomplishments.
So here’s my pondering point: is this a lack in emunah, meaning that Hashem knows what is best for me and I’m contending with G-d trying to determine my own destiny? Is this simply a test meant for me to overcome? Does the key to the challenge lie in my ability to boost my self-esteem and efficacy? By realizing that G-d is in control and I need only to hand over the keys, will I be more happy?
I know the drill. "Keep yourself busy with other things; do things that you excel at and can gain positive feelings from accomplishing." etc. etc. Yet, there is still this deep ache inside of me. I feel like there is something missing. Perhaps it keeps me searching for the one who can fill that gap. Maybe it is just one of my big challenges in life meant to keep me on my toes and somehow make me a better person. It scratches at my surface like a diamond cutter cuts his diamonds, its purpose to make me more beautiful.
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