Is this what jealousy feels like?
A dagger, twisting deep deep into my soul.
It robs me of my inner peace, my sense of competence, confidence, and control.
I want to be happy, I do
And I rejoice for you
But it is about me I think when this emotion overcomes me, however undefined
This feeling, this feeling of being left behind
As you move on, I'm no longer in your company, but an observer
And so this wave engulfs me as I sputter and thrash around for a life-preserver
In all other areas of my life there is this illusion that I am proficient and have control
But here, it is not so
It rubs salt in the wound, when you move on
It makes me question what is wrong
Why have I been chosen to stay behind while I watch everyone else waltz into the sunset?
But the dagger only twists deeper as I attempt to remove it
I try to convince myself that I am happy for you
And I am, despite the rest of the stages of emotion I first pass through
I only wish my happiness was not tinted in ugly shades of green
The glow from the eyes of the monster inside me so obscene
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