It's All Part of the Nisayon

Not being married and being single obviously go hand-in-hand. There's the not being married part, which is only compounded by the being single aspect. But, like someone reminded me the other day, it's all part of the same nisayon. I don't think we need to split hairs and decide which side effect belongs in which column, but suffice it to say that the things that make this stage in life hard are not only about not having a spouse.

We can blame society for making us feel like we don't have a place, we can get mad at people's insensitive comments, we can scoff at others' complete lack of understanding of what this is like, we can get stuck in the self pity that this breeds, or we can recognize that it's all part of the struggle, the test.

Whatever the purpose a nisayon has, whether to make us stronger, gain s'char, whatever, every time someone says or does something that hurts because you're single, remember it's all part of the struggle and you're earning points.

Perhaps a shadchan tells you it's great that you want a normal guy but you need to compromise, because "Do you want to be 30 and not married?!" Maybe someone singles you out, and although he meant it innocuously or as a bracha, he tells the whole room in his speech that he knows shidduchim has been a struggle for you. Possibly someone yells at you because, "You should be happier for him/her! S/he is your sister/brother/cousin/random acquaintance and just got engaged/married! Are you so self-absorbed?" Imagine gems falling in your hourglass.