Being Single vs. Not Being Married

Not being married comes along with various different challenges, such as loneliness/the feeling of lacking close connection with a special someone, feeling stuck, not fitting in/belonging, etc. However, "being single" I almost want to say is a culture or lifestyle, it's so much bigger than just not being married. There are so many ways in which it interrupts your life that it almost becomes your way of life. It's about making "shidduchim" a priority, so you can never really plan other things.

Take this past weekend for instance. I was invited to attend a dating event, and I decided to go for whatever reasons. Jellybeans and all that. The catch is that this event was taking place a few hours away traveling distance. To make it worth the trip, I made plans to do other fun activities with friends while I was there. Friday morning, the event coordinator messaged me saying that in the end she's moving the event to another day. I couldn't back out on my friends, plus I spent about $100 on a show ticket, so I pretty much had to keep to the schedule. Meanwhile, the shadchan in charge of the event felt bad that she hadn't given me more advanced notice, and she decided she was going to "make it up to me." She set me up with a guy that could tell probably wasn't going to be for me. Long story short, I got convinced into going out with him "just for coffee." My friend I was traveling back with had a date, and he could only get to her around 8:00 or 8:30 pm. As not to get frustrated that we were going to leave to go home so late (with work looming bright and early Monday morning), I decided I mind as well go out with the guy-that-I-was-pretty-sure-wasn't-for-me. It was a total bomb, as predicted, and in the end my friend's date cancelled on her. (That's a whole other story of dysfunction.) We could have left much much earlier to get home. Honestly, what sort of comedy of errors would ever occur like this in a married person's life?

There is so much that comes along with being single; it isn't just the not having a spouse, a family, aspect. There's a stigma against anyone that hasn't followed the conveyor belt Judaism path –– people trying to make sense of what this means, should they pity the older single, is there something wrong with him/her, etc. There's the not fitting in in frum society element. There's the always having to make shidduchim a priority at the detriment to the rest of your life (because isn't getting married a priority!?). I'm sure there are so many others, too, that I haven't outlined.

I guess every challenge has its side effects that compound the struggle. Being single is by no means the hardest affliction out there (pain is relative and you cannot measure or compare it), but it seems like it sure interrupts life.