I don't wanna know what every ex is up to; I don't want their lives rubbed in my face. I've gotten over them and moved on, but when they have a whole life –– a wife and a family –– to show for it, and I'm still about stuck in the same place they each left me, in that domain of my life, it hurts. (It doesn't matter how many people I've dated since them, how many other serious relationships I've been in, I'm still just as single.)
I know it's not my fault or anything I've done, I know that success in life isn't measured by life stage or marital status, but it's embarrassing and sad, and I feel like it could seem to onlookers like I am, or have done something, wrong.
We so often get caught up gauging accomplishment and progress by all the wrong things. We see all that is skin-deep and superficial. We classify by externalities and facade. I find myself having to remind myself that someone isn't better off just because s/he's married. The marriage could be terrible.
G-d has a plan for everyone, and no matter how frustrating not knowing what happens next, I trust that He knows what He's doing. I'm just working on trying to not let the past interfere with my now. I just don't appreciate being haunted by a mention of an ex and what he's currently up to.
I also feel like it's embarrassing to be single, especially when I think about the guys I've dated who are married. It might seem like I did something wrong to become unworthy of a happy marriage. But honestly, the guys I dated were each flawed in various ways as all people are. Our flaws or weaknesses are not the reason we are single. I just keep repeating that in my mind in the hopes that I might internalize it eventually...
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