At 12:47 AM I received an email from a shadchan with whom I have fairly good relationship.
Please call me.
When I spoke to him midday, after exchanging pleasantries, the conversation went like this:
"So, as soon as I start talking you'll know where this is going..."
Of course I knew. Though we speak often, he's only ever set me up with one guy (probably a little over a year ago).
"I met so-and-so at maariv last night..."
Bingo!
"We got to talking, and I asked him what has and hasn't been working for him and what he's looking for now. I could tell, in his mind, he was going back to you."
He was perfectly respectful when I told him I really wasn't interested to revisit it, and he even remembered why I "said no." Truthfully, the guy is a great guy, but aside from the reason reason I said no, we just didn't have any "click." I didn't want to spend time with him, I didn't want to see him again, I didn't want to talk to him about anything.
It's not like the guy is running after me, but his name has come up four or five times in the past year since I've dated him, all in instances where someone thought of the idea, redt it to him, and then came back to me saying that they thought of this idea for me and redt it to the guy who said that we went out already but he would be interested to try again.
I know there's nothing to talk about here, but it's instances like these that make me second-guess myself. Why is it that a good handful of people thought of this idea, he wants another chance, but I so don't see it? Okay, so maybe, technically, it makes sense on paper, no one can know whether we'll have chemistry, but why has the idea come up so much?
Because this type of thing makes me overthink things, I have to remember that I gave it three dates when I knew after one that it wasn't a shidduch. I've been dating for awhile; I have a fairly good sense after a first date to know if something will go anywhere. (I'm not saying I know after one date if I'm going to marry someone, just if it will have any potential at all.) There was a specific reason why it wasn't going to work for me. And I just didn't like him. Nothing against him; we just had no chemistry/click/back-and-forth. I don't know, I really don't understand how it happens that someone can like me/see potential, when I don't, at all.
Okay, enough overthinking for now. I'm fairly confident in my decision. Just still boggles my mind a little.
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ReplyDeleteInteresting perspective. If you feel no connection or misunderstood there is no risk in being "free and open" because you're not "disclosing your true self." Aren't you though? The other person just isn't able to connect with it or understand it.
DeleteFurthermore, what are you risking exactly by "disclosing your true self"?
But sure, the interest is superficial if you feel like the person sees a limited version of you. And then there is the possibility that you are everything this other person wants but s/he isn't what you want. Also a "click" feeling -- this connection we're talking about -- can possibly be one sided. Someone can like someone and want to share things with him/her but the feeling not be reciprocal.
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