She wants a guy who davens with a minyan three times a day and is learning; she doesn't daven at all. She wants a guy who won't listen to secular music or watch movies, but she does, all the time. She says "it's different." Is it?
Is this a double standard? Does this make sense? Is there more expected of guys? Does it mean something different when a guy watches movies, listens to secular music, etc. than when a girl does? Is her neshama less corruptible? Her mind is impressionable too; her spirituality is affected as well. Guys' minds are different, for sure. Yes, it means something different for him to skip davening than for her too. I just wonder if she's deluding herself that this makes sense.
Long ago and far away my seminary teacher talked about how girls think they want one thing in a husband, but then when it comes down to it they don't really. She was warning against marrying a guy who wants to learn for a long time if that's not something that a girl could realistically support. She shared stories of girls who "forced" their husbands out of kollel, because they needed someone to bankroll their spending habits.
This works in the sense of presenting oneself one way but really being another. Will she be the one that introduces her husband to TV shows or pop concerts or whatever? Will she ask him to leave kollel to go to work, because she wants to live an expensive lifestyle?
The other side of this is what does it really take to be a "good girl"? Maybe she's tzanua (in act and dress), does chessed...what other expectations are there of her? Most people wouldn't ask of a girl to daven every day by sof zman tefillah, for example. He's expected, though, to be at minyan rain or shine and learn every day, ask his rebbi all his sheilos, and maintain gainful employment. What does she need to be to deserve this?
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