1. A shadchan asked me for another "more casual" picture "to share" even though the one she had is me perfectly casual, how I look in real life; it's not like it's me at a wedding or even dressed up.
2. Someone asked my coworker if I'm good at my job, because after all, I'm not married so how much could I know already.
3. A shadchan, trying to figure out what type of guy I'm looking for, told me that a particular yeshiva where a-guy-I-dated-seriously learned was "the bottom of the barrel."
4. I've been kindly advised that I don't want to be 30 and not married so I need to decide what I'm going to compromise on in a guy.
5. A shadchan calmly declared that the type of guy I'm looking for doesn't exist. (How come I've dated so many of the type then??)
6. By the way people treat me sometimes, it feels like I wear a sign around my neck, "Single. Something Must Be Wrong With Me. I Want Your Pity."
7. Someone asked a friend of mine to babysit, even though she's at least five years older than the parents and has a job, a life, and is probably just as busy as the mom.
8. I was encouraged to get engaged/married to someone with a particular set of things that bothered me...because I was "older." (I was 22 at the time (!), and thank G-d I didn't.)
9. We're encouraging 21 year old guys to start dating, because "He's 21, Just Ask!"
10. There's usually some sort of turbulence around "yeses" and the process that goes into deciding who I should go out with. It's probably the biggest thing I fight with my parents about...I hate that it gives us a reason to argue.
11. People will suggest someone to me just because "he's older" and I'm "a little older." When I ask why they think it's a good idea they accuse me of being picky and "don't you want to get married?!"
12. Someone once asked me for a picture to send to a guy she was trying to redt me to. After I sent her one, she replied, "Not that one. Can you send another?" I sent another. I kid you not, this went on for a handful of pictures. "I don't get it," she said. "You're so pretty, don't you have any better pictures?" I ended up telling my mom to deal with the person, because what I really wanted to say was that I'm not going out with that guy that wanted the picture, and he could marry a photo of me. I'd even autograph it for him.
13. I used to have a colorful shidduch profile/resume. I thought it was cute and reflected my penchant for creativity. That is until a shadchan told me I need to change it, and "What are you, like, in high school, or something?"
14. A shadchan was redting me to a guy (I guess he was younger than me) and told me that I need to take my date of birth off my resume asap. I'm not really sure what was happening there. Was she planning to lie about my age? (And this was a good while ago...)
15. Perhaps it ultimately comes down to the pain and heartache that feeling alone and navigating the rocky terrain of this shidduch battlefield generates: the feeling of being itemized and objectified often, being misunderstood and misjudged, having to be "sold"/proven worthy to people/waiting for a "yes," never getting any reply ever from shadchanim who ask me to stay in touch, disrupting important plans because meeting every new suggestion is a priority if I want to get married, the repeated heartbreak of connecting with someone and building a relationship and then having to let him go forever, the breakups that are compounded by said guy after dating me for so long going and getting engaged a mere few weeks later - pouring salt on that raw wound, having to reduce myself to a few sentences on a paper, watching everyone else around me successfully moving forward in their lives and wondering if I'll ever be able to get off this hamster wheel, feeling sad for myself and being yelled at because I "should be happier" because "your sister/brother/cousin/random acquaintance just got engaged/married! Are you so self-absorbed," and really everything else that comes along with this game...
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