Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in this ocean of names. I've recently been bombarded with potentials –– not necessarily "yeses" –– just names. I mean, one or two "yeses" at a time, sure, just not the type necessarily that I feel compelled to go out with.
I'm at this point that I cannot go out with every "yes" that comes my way, especially if there's nothing on point about the profile of the guy. Currently I said "no" to one guy and am dragging my feet with another. I know that I need to do what feels right to me, but I sometimes wonder what the proper hishtadlus is here. (*Definitely different for everyone in different stages of life and shidduchim)
I know I don't need to go out with every Joe that expresses interest, but I would never "say no" to someone for a stupid reason. I do believe there is a concept of missing one's bashert, but that doesn't mean that I have to date the guy that I feel I have nothing in common with and doesn't match what I'm looking for at all just because he likes my picture.
Often I feel like people look for the "no;" they don't want to put forth the effort to meet someone, so they pick on something that paturs them from having to meet a girl/guy. Recently my friend was trying to redt me to a guy and he was interested up until the part where he found out we live in different cities. I get that traveling might not be convenient for him and I don't fault him for "saying no" in the least bit. I just wonder if he (or really anyone in that position) isn't shirking their hishtadlus...especially since we could figure out a way to meet and see if it's anything –– when we happen to be in the same place (no travel necessary for him).
No taanos against him or anyone who "says no" for any reason, really, because it means that I'm not supposed to date them. He (or whoever) is saving me time and energy. I always think that someone who I feel like I would probably get along with who isn't interested to meet me, that it's for the best, because perhaps we would hit it off but it wouldn't work in the long run, so I'm better off never having met him. G-d is saving me from unnecessary heartache. (Or it'd be a one-and-done and who needs those...)
I also heard somewhere that not only does the Bas Kol (that announces "Bas Ploni l'Ploni" 40 days before someone is conceived) announce the person's zivug, but all the names of the people that that person is supposed to date before s/he finds his/her bashert. This person who "said no" is simply not on my list...
Having a name "on deck" really doesn't make me feel any better than not having a name at all. I wish that people wouldn't tell me when they had an idea for me, because more times than not the guy will never even hear my name for whatever reason. A name doesn't mean anything until the person comes back with "a yes" and is standing in the batter's box ready to play the game.
Names on deck or not, it doesn't make my "One" any closer. It's all about the buses.
No comments:
Post a Comment