The friction burns from being dragged across the floor as we learned to escape footholds using gator rolls, bloodied knuckles from straight punches drills, the choke marks from practicing to get out of chokeholds...all proud battle wounds.
I recently started taking a Krav Maga self-defense class, and each week after the class I usually have something to show for it. They're injuries I'm happy to endure though. It's sort of how the instructor's t-shirt reads, "The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in battle." In a similar vein, the charley horse you feel the day after a great new workout kind of feels good. It isn't a masochistic thing, it's simply knowing that you exerted yourself in a productive way.
Can the battle scars from shidduchim be viewed in the same way? Is heartbreak worth something? Does what doesn't kill you make you stronger?
It's hard to view dating like that. But I need to. I need to reframe this hurt and make it into something worthwhile, because either I can be a victim of the pain and suffering caused by this system, or I can learn and grow from it.
Over the course of the too many years that I've been dating, I've learned so much about myself. I know I'm strengthening my emunah muscle. I'm learning how to get along and communicate with all different types of people. I now know that I have the capacity to love fully and work out disagreements, even if for now I have no one to reflect it back at me. I've learned when I need to trust my gut and when to go with my heart. While the heartache may have left scars, I think I can wear them proudly. Mended, not broken...
For more things I've gained from not getting married right away, check out this post.
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