Around every frum Shabbos table, coffee table, and even pool table, "shidduchim" is constantly talked and debated about. Frum literature discusses the topic to death. A large percentage of this year's Sukkos (really every year's every yuntif) magazines' fiction stories for light reading entertainment are about dating and marriage.
Why are we so infatuated with the subject?
Is "shidduchim" our "kosher" version of this?
Humans are hardwired for connection; neuroscience proves it. Psychology too suggests that love and relationships are super important. One corroboration is psychologist Abraham Maslow's “hierarchy of needs” theory, which outlines innate human necessities of psychological health culminating in self-actualization or fulfillment. His hierarchy of needs places love and belonging directly following physiological needs such as oxygen, food, water, sleep, etc, and physical safety needs like shelter, physical health, etc. Love and belonging is a basic necessity that must be met before a person can begin to achieve other higher needs.
Dr. Brene Brown is well-known for her research on human connection: our capacity to love, empathize, and belong. She talks about how as an infant connection is survival, but as one matures, connection becomes about thriving emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually.
Humans are hardwired for connection; neuroscience proves it. Psychology too suggests that love and relationships are super important. One corroboration is psychologist Abraham Maslow's “hierarchy of needs” theory, which outlines innate human necessities of psychological health culminating in self-actualization or fulfillment. His hierarchy of needs places love and belonging directly following physiological needs such as oxygen, food, water, sleep, etc, and physical safety needs like shelter, physical health, etc. Love and belonging is a basic necessity that must be met before a person can begin to achieve other higher needs.
Dr. Brene Brown is well-known for her research on human connection: our capacity to love, empathize, and belong. She talks about how as an infant connection is survival, but as one matures, connection becomes about thriving emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually.
Perhaps we're obsessed with other people's love lives because we’re wired to connect; we want to love, be loved, belong. Connection is extremely powerful, tremendously important to our health and happiness, so we're interested how this happens. If we aren't reading romance genre fiction, then our sensationalized frum literature will have to do.
Or maybe we just like to read, and talk, about contemporary issues, and shidduchim sure hits that requirement.
It's may be entertainment for frum society at large, but this is our life. Some respect please.
I personally try not to read or listen when people who are not in shidduchim are either talking or writing about it. In all honesty though, I am not sure if this "infatuation" with shidduchim correlates with obsession with love etc. I think as a society we have always been marriage minded. The problem started when the " shidduch crisis" came about and now there are wonderful people who are struggling to find marriage partners. People have no clue how to make sense or help people in shidduchim. There have been all these initiative/attempts at helping singles which have had minimal impacts. I think all the literature and articles that are printed about it are attempts of making sense or this "crisis" that has plagued our community.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you're right, but I'm more referring to the sensationalized fiction out there. Personally, I don't think that's really playing any part in "making sense" of the issue. It's pure entertainment.
DeleteI've noticed that there are certain frum magazines/papers/etc that sensationalize issues more than others. I respect the ones a lot more that feature enough diverse relevant topics to not have to sensationalize cliched issues like shidduchim.