Although it's not Toras Moshe M'Sinai like some people seem to regard it, Myers-Briggs (M-B) typing is helpful in many ways. It helps us understand how we're all different, we each operate from different places and experience the world differently. Practically, this understanding regarding how something someone does is a part of his personality and not a lack of middos or a personal affront can help you to appreciate and get along with him better.
M-B relationship experts suggest that any two well developed individuals of any combination can get along with each other, and in fact, they say that J's compliment P's and vice versa, but strong J's and strong P's will have the hardest time getting along. An example would be in the P that balks at even being typed, boxed into a four letter identity, while the J loves that everyone can have a label.
Time, commitments, decisions, and just things in general are much more fluid for P's. A very strong P is the type that books travel in the Uber on the way to the airport, and his itinerary takes shape as he experiences his destination. The J has things planned out and booked months in advance with lists and reservations taken care of orderly and responsibly.
As a J, I used to think that P's were just irresponsible and couldn't get it together. For me, when I say something I mean it, and I try really hard to not back out of commitments, even if it's just a simple, "I have to go, I'll call you back." I need for words to be kept, for things be defined, and for ambiguity to be resolved.
I wouldn't say that I'm a hardcore J, as I am pretty easygoing about a lot of things. I frequently color outside the lines, agree with my imagination, and often laugh at the rules. I do enjoy some good spontaneity every now and again. However, I can say that I can keep up with the best of the J's that are exasperated by P's who seem to not know what's up and what's down.
There was this one guy who showed up for our dates, two in a row, without any plans. The first date he got a pass, because it was an unfamiliar city and all that, although I do expect a guy to have some sort of idea what do once he picks me up. The next date, which was the next evening, was even more perplexing to me. He had traveled in to date me; that was the only assignment. Somehow, he got distracted and decided to go snowboarding, because he had the day to himself. He lost track of time, got sidetracked or somesuch, and he arrived for our date a couple hours late, having not eaten since breakfast, with no idea what to do once I was in the car with him.
That type of P, though exciting and intriguing in other ways, just doesn't work for me. I personally can't get along with someone so all over the place. Although, I do think that I could do well with someone less J than I am, because he would chill me out a little if he didn't grate on my nerves. Opposites attract and all that.
Verdict?
Probably a strong P and a strong J would not get along easily, but as always, if both of the individuals worked on their understanding of personality differences and developed their personality traits, they could thrive in a relationship, each trait complimenting the disparate one in their spouse.
Although I enjoy reading and understanding different types of people, I also think it can become a dangerous thing at times. There are Ps and Js with different ways of thinking and doing things, that's true. At the same time everyone Is unique. As a P in general, I tend to be more easy going with things and by nature less organized however, I hate being late and not having a schedule. I don't think I could marry a guy who is rigid and inflexible but I definitely know that someone a little more to the J side will balance me out. Both sides of the spectrum have what to learn from each other. I know a couple who are extreme opposites in this way. They had to learn each other but you could see how they balance each other out. So as I was saying, be careful when using personality typing! You never know what Hashem has in mind for you ( including living with someone you love that might drive you a little nuts ).
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Also, keeping in mind that even if two people have the same personality type (ie. the same letter combination), they can be super different. Personality typing only describes up to a point. It explains personality, not determines it. It's useful in a lot of ways, but it isn't a veritable fact or definition.
DeleteYou, by the way, may be a P, but your preference for Perceiving would probably be described as moderate, because you also have mild J preference.
In general, two people who may have a preference for either trait are not necessarily hard P's or hard J's. They can therefore compliment each other and bring out the opposite trait in the other. A hard J would probably do best with a moderate preferenced J or even moderate P, but two complete opposites would have a really hard time understanding each other and getting along.
To your last point, can you really love someone, a spouse, ie. someone you choose to spend the rest of your life with, if who s/he is "drives you nuts"?