Rosh Hashana: Connecting Through Ahava

I’ve heard the sentiment that people may think that there are two different G-ds, that Yiddishkeit is two different religions. I’m not speaking of factions of Judaism; rather, what I speak of is the two very different atmospheres in shul on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur versus that on Simchas Torah and Purim. Extremely different approaches to G-d and life, and yet, it’s the same religion, and it’s the same G-d.

How are we supposed to relate to Hashem? Is it through this fear of eternal damnation, or this tremendous love that He has for us? Are these two different approaches perhaps meant for different times in history? Are we too weak at this point in time to be able to withstand this yirah-style avoda? Nowadays, most people do not deign to use punishment and instead utilize positive reinforcement, because children, and people in general, respond to that approach more positively. Someone uses physical punishment, and it’s termed abuse. The “victim” then rebels against everything that person stands for.

Perhaps I make it sound uncalled for and even ridiculous, but it’s a real phenomenon. We just aren’t the same people who withstood scoldings and beatings and only came away with renewed vigor to do the right thing. I could go into the psychology of it, but that’s a discussion beyond the scope of this post. The question here that I’m trying to understand is that of is connecting to Hashem through ahava a stira with connecting to Him through yirah? Can they go hand in hand? Is our generation capable of really feeling true yirah and using this to grow spiritually and connect with HK"BH?

Fiery speeches about gehenom have not been broadly used to motivate us to do what’s right. Instead, most popular contemporary baalei mussar have appealed to us through the venue of Hashem’s love for us. We definitely need to know that there is right and wrong, and that there are consequences for our actions. Hashem loves us unconditionally, but He has expectations of us. He knows where we stand in life, and He gives us challenges only for our benefit. However, He wants us to pass these tests. He cares about us failing to do the right thing.

On Rosh Hashanah we daven for many things. We ask for life, for happiness, for Hashem to shower us with His goodness. If He loves us so much wouldn’t He just give to us pro bono? The answer is yes and no. Hashem gives much of what we have for free. Nothing we can do in this world can make us deserve everything that Hashem has blessed us with. But, the answer is also no. Hashem wants us to daven, to connect to Him, to do His mitzvos. It is not for Hashem’s benefit, however. It is for ours. Hashem doesn’t need to do this accounting of us every year. He is omniscient; He doesn’t have to pass us under a staff like a flock a sheep to be aware of what we’ve done this year. Instead, this audit, so to speak, is for our benefit, to make sure that we stay on track. Aside from gaining eternal reward, which is ultimately the purpose of this transient existence, we have a much better Olam Hazeh if we follow the Torah.

This all being said, I think we can conclude that yiraas shamyim and ahavas Hashem are closely intertwined. The yirah is an awareness of s'char v'onesh and a sense of right and wrong; the ahava can be an outlook and a means to achieve the awareness. Many baalei mussar tell us that fear comes first and the love afterward, because fear of punishment is a greater motivator. However, nowadays, I think fear elicits rebellion or confusion. Yes, yira is important, but perhaps ahava can accomplish the same thing.

If we aren’t trembling thinking about the Yom HaDin, can I venture that that’s okay? We may not be on that level, but hopefully we will reach an awareness that works for us. We have to keep in mind that this is the same G-d that we rejoice with on Sukkos and Simchas Torah. This is the same religion in which we party on Purim (Yom Kippur is “Yom K’Purim,” a day like Purim; the spirituality is so great on Purim). Two different approaches, all leading us to the same means. If you can’t connect through fear, connect through love.

To me, because this year was so hard for me (I admit, it mostly had to do with dating; I guess that's what makes this post relevant.), and I thought I davened well last Yamim Noraim, it's hard for me to do it all over again. If it's really true that everything that is going to happen during the year is being decided on Rosh Hashana, how do I go into this optimistically when I feel like it's the same thing year after year? Finding that love is hard when I feel like I'm asking for something that if Hashem really loved me I wouldn't still need to be asking for at this point, and I know I've backed away a bit from the yirah...

The avoda for Rosh Hashana is being mamlich Hashem melech, pronouncing Him king. He is our Father, our King. He wants what is best for us, and He wants a connection to us. That's what I know I need to focus on.

Ksiva V'chasima Tova!