Want to Keep Reading?

Hi there! I'm not sure if I shared this link before, perhaps not, because when I started this new blog it was kind of half-baked (as you can see from the lonely two posts I wrote back then). I'm sharing this now for the accountability. 

Blogging feels kind of nostalgic now. We've moved onto faster, flashier ways of sharing - shorts, disappearing "stories," curated snapshots with just enough vulnerability to be relatable (if that). But I miss the intentionality and thoughtfulness of blogging. The way it invites you to sit with a thought rather than just scroll past it. 

Check out the link and let me know what you think. The world (and I as well) has changed so much in the last 10 years, but I'm hoping to pick up where I left off (if not at a much slower pace) -- share some insight, hope, and perspective. Even if you're just here because you're curious or are hoping to be entertained, maybe you'll learn something. 

Be True to You

Stay strong
And be true
Stay disciplined
Be you

Don't let life
Bog you down
With all its
Valleys and its crowns

Keep trucking
Along
Write your own lyrics
To your song

Live life
With intention
Don't just coast
Not paying attention

No decision
Is a choice too
Just 'cuz it's hard
Doesn't mean it's out of true

We're all in own cars
Even if on the same street
Different experiences
Punching a different time sheet

You only have
One life to live
So much to do
All this to give

Where is the Sun?

Waking up this morning, the world is devoid of sun. It’s bitter and dreary. Yesterday there was radiant sun, shining brightly, highlighting all the beautiful things in this life. Today, clouds blanket the sky, obscure the brilliant light. Big fat raindrops periodically splatter my windshield, stopping and starting at random. There's fog so dense, it is hard to navigate from just point A to B. The heat of yesterday's sun shrouded, the day chilly and uninviting.

The world muted and painted in grays. Everything feels irritating, smiles and grins hidden. Where there was happiness there is gloom. Where there was light and laughter there is melancholy and despair.

Is the weather just random? Where is the sun? 

I can go turn on some lights, even cozy up by a fireplace, perhaps even pull out a rarely used lantern, and go check out the lights in the city...I'll find some artificial illumination for now. 

Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.

Don't Do Unto Others

A flight attendant was serving a respected rabbi on a plane. Recognizing his religious garb she asked him, "What is Judaism? What do Jews believe?"

The rav, without missing a beat, replied, "Don't do onto others what you don't wish to be done to you. That's the foundation of Judaism."

The attendant wanted to know what that had to do with being able to eat or not eat certain things.

"Okay," said the rabbi, "I'm sure you've noticed Jewish travelers checking food packages for a specific symbol, correct?"

"Yes, I have! But what does that have to do with respecting others?"

"Jews are trained not to just eat something because they want to. They don't just say something because they want. They don't just do something because they want to. By checking packages, they're showing it's not about them. They're following a moral code, and they're trained to see the needs of others."

Pesach we check packages. Sefirah, we work on seeing others. 

(Paraphrased from Mishpacha Magazine's Calligraphy, original article by Yisroel Besser)

I don't usually read Mishpacha, as you may know if you've been with me for awhile. Yet, against my better judgment I read this Pesach's story supplement. Shoot me. I'll even make a plug here for Rikki Ehrlich's "The Exit Interview." IMHO it was quite the worthy read. Everyone should read it. But that's not what this post is about.

It's interesting how sometimes bein adam l'makom is clearer, easier than bein adam l'chaveiro. We work on both during Sefirah, but bein adam l'chaveiro is a special focus. We mourn the deaths of the students of Rabbi Akiva who died because they didn't treat each other with respect. Crazy, almost, if you think about it. How much do we focus on respect of others nowadays? How much do we judge and gossip? How much do we judge and stigmatize?

Also not the point of this post.

Or maybe it is. What freedom do you take from Pesach? Supposedly the chometz represents yetzer hara, which we are free from for the entirety of the Chag. The aveiros we do –– hergel, habit. I'm not sure who this idea is attributed to, but it's interesting for sure.

There is so much pressure in this stage of life. While dating for some is just a passageway from young adulthood to what comes beyond that (in the form of marriage, responsibility, and family), to others it is a stage in it of itself. It's Mitzrayim, it's narrow and constricting. No two people's experiences are the same. While some may have sagas of heartbreaks and "almosts," others may have stories of emptiness for months or years on end.

No judgements. No need to compare. Can we see others as is? Empathy, not pity. Freedom, not slavery.

Happy Counting.

Yearning for Freedom

Zman Chaeruseinu. Freedom.

Hallel, Nirtza. Praise, song.

What to sing for?

What freedom?

Salvation from Mitzrayim?

How, when life feels so bitter, so narrow?

Echad M'yodeia? We know numbers. Numbers of months, years we've been playing this game. Numbers of guys/girls that we've met, that have entered and left our respective lives. Numbers of heartbreaks. Numbers of days, months we've waited to hear from someone with a "yes," go on a date.

Sefirah. Counting. Counting down the days until this will all make sense, this will all be worth it.

Leil HaSeder, Leil Shemurim. A special night of protection. Hashem tells us that He's close. We need to let Him do what He does.

Shackled, but free. Stuck, but looking forward.

Pesach is a time of slavery and freedom. They coexist. Bitterness and hope mingle together. 

Salty and sweet. Hardship and triumph. Heartbreak and hope. Slavery and miracles.

Aching lonely heart. Beating living heart.

Life Is Full of Goodbyes

Life is full of goodbyes.

So often we connect with people, we leave a part of ourselves with them, only to have to eventually say goodbye. This happens for some people more often than others. Some people connect more deeply or more easily. Life is about being able to leave that bit we give to the other person (or people) behind and keep moving forward.

I was having this conversation with a client a few days ago. She was talking about how it was hard to just let go of her relationships with her ex's family. She had great relationships with them and nothing against them. Whereas she didn't want to see or talk to her ex ever again, she missed his family whom she had been a part of for over ten years. We talked about how in life there are so many people you have to say goodbye to. Sometimes these people have left a piece of themselves with you, sometimes you with them, and sometimes it's both.

This happens in so many ways. Professionally, I face it all the time. I will often wonder how a client is doing long after they aren't a client any longer. They shared so much with me, I saw them through so much, and then they disappear as they go about their lives. It's how it's supposed to be. I'd imagine there are many professions like that. Teaching is similar, especially if it's one-on-one.

We can't always hold onto relationships we have. And we're not meant to. I'm sure I've written about this before, how relationships can be like bridges. They can help us get somewhere, but we don't necessarily need them once we've crossed them. People come into our lives for various reasons. I know I've met people that have enriched my life in so many ways even after they're no longer around.

I've written quite a bit on breakups, but this one post about love and loss comes to mind.

It's not the goodbyes that make us better perhaps, but to paraphrase a line from Romeo and Juliet, parting is always a sweet sorrow. It makes us look toward what is next up for us. Looking forward is always more helpful than looking back. (It is helpful to learn from mistakes, for sure, but that's always for a looking forward purpose.) Looking forward doesn't cheapen the experience we had, but it does let us file it away.

Great Expectations

When I was younger I thought I would get married right away.

Now as I'm writing this I don't exactly know what "right away" actually means. I guess I thought this would be easy. Maybe put in my time, date a few people, but quickly find the right one to build a life with. I know that I thought dating was cool and fun for a few years. I loved (and still do) meeting new people, seeing new places, making connections, etc. But after awhile it got tiresome. It's no longer fun. I want to fast forward to the end of this segment of my story.

I guess I never really had to struggle like this. I've led a blessed life, if you will. If I wanted something, was willing to work for it, I got it, for the most part. That's not to say I haven't had any pain; I've had conflicts, I've had things I needed to work through. Yet, dating has taken it to a whole new level.

Some days I'm angry, some days I'm sad, some days I don't know how to feel. But then I remember, marriage may be a rite of passage, but it isn't a right. I get upset because I feel like I should be married. It's how things are supposed to happen.

What if I changed the narrative? What if I stopped thinking that I need to be married right now and focus on all the other amazing things I can do with my life, that I am doing with my life?

Perhaps if I didn't have younger siblings wanting me to get married already so they can get married guilt-free, or if all my friends weren't married with kids, etc., maybe that would make it easier. Even so, why do we live our lives so focused on everyone else? Our lives, our paths, diverge; no one has the same tafkid or needs the same things. It's so hard to remember this. I have this idea of how things should be, but, really, there are no "shoulds" or "supposed to bes."

Up until this "parsha," my life was sort of this easy cruise. Granted there were some roadblocks, but nothing that some redirecting couldn't get around. This is different. This is like being stuck in inching traffic with multiple crashes and watching the other cars in other lanes speeding by. But I'm not in those other lanes, and I need to make this meaningful. Stop making it "waiting," but "building" in it of itself.

I thought I knew how my life would unfold. I can't tell the future, and however convenient that might be, that would probably take away some of my free choice. It's not how life works. I have learned that expectations lead to disappointment. Thinking things should be a certain way leads to defeat. And so, I will live my life with an open mind and embrace all the opportunities and positive things I do have.

Disable Comments

"Maybe they can't help you get married, but they can lessen the pain you're experiencing while waiting."

Wise words indeed.

No matter what the situation is; a friend's or relative's simcha, a conversation with a shadchan (gone south), just trying to live normal life, whatever; what makes it hard are The Comments.

Really, I was fine until you said that or this insensitive thing. Her simcha isn't "hard" for me in it of itself. I'm actually, believe it or not, really happy and excited for her. Why shouldn't I be? Does what she have take away from what I have? Granted, if it's a close relative or friend who I may miss (her singlehood companionship) in my day to day, then yes. Otherwise, no.

As a friend put it, "Enough with the comments, just send presents. A new bag or chocolates would be nice." 

Also, since I'm on this rant anyway, don't hock me about details and pictures. Don't tell me I should get chizzuk from this. Just be normal and wish me mazel tov and then move on. A friend I was venting to put it great, "I just wished you mazel tov and figured if you wanted to vent or if you weren't handling and wanted to talk about it, you would tell me." Yes!

#itsallpartofthenisayon

Staircase

a

trek up

a winding staircase

finding no end in sight

it truly seems to go on and on

forever and ever and ever and ever

taking a short, brief breather on a landing

to begin the hike again without very much respite

an elevator at the very next landing, merely but a mirage

dragging a big bag packed with essentials for the destination

if only I could get to that place at some point, hopefully very soon

perhaps the down escalator that I am scaling will suddenly switch to up

until then I heft my heavy bursting haversack over my shoulder and brace myself

I wonder where I will get the supplies to continue the journey without tapping out or giving up

but I continue because what choice do I have and where else do I go from here, stuck in the middle of nowhere

Yup, That's What Was Said

"Are you married yet?" "No? Why not?"

"You should stop playing around and get married already. It's time."

"Why don't you just get married?"

All spoken in real life. 

I kid you not.  

I was only victim to one of them; the others were said to people close to me. And I'm sure many others have experienced similar comments. The "You're next"s and "Soon by you"s seem tame compared to comments like these. 

What can possibly be going through someone's head when s/he says something like this? Does s/he really think that we're making a conscious choice to not be married? This is not even about tact. It's not even about sensitivity. It's basic decency. Is it not? Why would you accuse someone of something that he has no control over especially when it's painful for him/her?

I get it; people don't always know what to say. That's okay; say nothing then. Sometimes people will put their foot in their mouth, and that can hurt the receiver, but hopefully s/he knows it wasn't meant to. The above comments almost seem pointed and malicious though. 

Was the aim to make the single feel bad and to light a fire under him/her? Is the speaker thinking s/he is being a Penina? Really, I would like to understand. 

#itsallpartofthenisayon

Runners, Take Your Mark

"You know the kid who is frantically tying his sneakers by the lockers while his friends have all finished the race? That's what I feel like."

This was an apt description by my friend of her experience in the "Waiting Room" as yet another one of her friends exited with groom in tow.

But a race implies that all runners start at the same point and race down the same trail. Real life is a lot more complex. The Master Trainer allows only one runner per lane and just one lane per runner.

Tie your sneakers and get going. The race is not limited to marriage; the hike starts long before. All of life is a climb, and the Master Planner gives each person his own trajectory to follow.

On my menorah the candles are dancing, flickering, sometimes sputtering, yet always shining their brightest. When today's candles burn out, I know tomorrow will bring additional light. Two candles will follow the one, and then there will be three. Five will follow four, and we will continue counting upwards every day.

We have a rule, "Maalin bakodesh v'ain moridin," matters of holiness are always increased and never decreased. If I have lit one candle today, tomorrow I will strive for more.

I greatly admire my friends' investments, toil, and accomplishments in their homes' harmony and in bringing yet more Yiddishe children into the world. Believe me, I really do. I pray to be doing the same very soon. Yet, while my current checklist may not contain any of that, by no means am I the same person I was two, three, four, or more years ago. If I have grown in so many ways then I am confident that I have come far in the race!

Yes, for now I race on my own. Know though, I do not sit and wait for my situation to change so I can "catch up" with my friends. I do not stagnate along the way. Instead, I continue walking. Maalin bakodesh v'ain moridin. With hope in my heart and a constant prayer on my lips, I keep hiking onwards towards the sunshine."

(Edited and Abbreviated, Original by Z. Goldheim published in December 20 Hamodia Inyan Magazine)

My sister was reading this article, and she handed me the magazine and urged me to read it. "You'll like it," she said. I stopped regularly reading frum magazines quite awhile ago, as I got annoyed how they often sensationalize issues to sell their publication. Every so often someone will hand me an article or story to read though.

I loved this idea. The race analogy isn't new, but the way its written about here, combined with the maalin bakodesh concept, hits the idea home. It's so true. There isn't just one way to be productive in this world. We don't just start our lives after we get married and raise a family.

What's in your training regimen today?

Waiting For My Bus Revisited

Waiting for my bus.

Today we have Google Maps, Moovit, Autobus Karov, and a myriad of other apps that will tell you which bus to take to get where you want to go and when to expect its arrival. There's a sign too next to most bus stops with a screen constantly updating each bus's eta.

Does it really help?

I mean, maybe it makes you feel better. Maybe it lets you feel like you're doing some hishtadlus by making sure you get to the right stop when the bus is scheduled. But does it make your bus come quicker or give you any real advantage? Honestly, you can get really lost even with a navigation app running, especially if it's walking directions...

We have profile databases, whatsapp shidduch chats, singles events, etc. Do these things really help us in any significant way? I mean, we're still at the mercy of G-d and when He wants us to find the right one. Perhaps it's hishtadlus. Perhaps it makes us feel like we're doing something more to make our bus arrive more promptly.

Me, I do sometimes still wonder where my bus is and what is taking so long. And, to quote myself, it is at these times that I remind myself that “no bus” or “wrong bus” does not mean my bus is not far behind, no matter what the transit app or bus stop screen is telling me.

Perspective

There's a flip side to every personality trait. What keeps life exciting and fun, what makes people want to spend time with you, can also be what kills you. For me, passion and truth seeking can often become drama apparently.

That part's not super important. It's more about the lesson here.

It's almost easier when you can't trace something back to someone. When it's not someone engaging in really hurtful behavior towards you, it's easier to realize it's from Hashem. It's a lot harder when there's a person behind the incident who is being super insensitive. It seems to hurt a lot more when there are people on the line for making a decision to engage in an action that hurts you. It hurts even more when they excuse their behavior or try to put it on someone else. It even sucks when they can admit they were wrong but won't do anything to rectify the situation because then they lose out. It hurts when they can't see beyond themselves.

If I work to put things in perspective I can see that I only need to realize my tafkid in this world is to be the best me. I need to find my way in the darkness regardless of whatever sucky situation I find myself in. I can be the bigger person and not make someone else suffer on principle just because they made me suffer or even ask them to do something that would make things annoying for them even if it would partially fix the situation.

Just like I can clearly see that I'm not married right now because G-d doesn't want me to be, this situation happened because G-d wanted it to be like this. It doesn't take the people behind it off the hook. No way. But G-d takes care of that. I don't have to exact judgement. I don't have to put myself in the position to get hurt by these individuals again either though.

Chanukah brings with it so many lessons. The smallest light can chase away so much darkness. You can be crushed like an olive, but it's only to bring out your best.

I know it would be so much easier to stay mad at these people and feel a lot better to make them "pay" for what happened, but honestly it's not worth it. I don't know why G-d put me in this situation. I don't know what G-d wants from me specifically. I do know that I can swallow my kavod, swallow my anger and pain and sense of injustice, and I can move on. I can let this be another learning experience about trust and self reliance. I can only work on me, and everyone else needs to work on themselves. Regardless of what I say or do, I can't fix them.

How Traversing Shidduchim is Like Traveling on Thanksgiving Weekend

We got in the car, and the navigation told us it would take a few hours to get home. As we kept getting updates that traffic was building up ahead and our ETA kept getting later and later, we followed detour after detour and couldn't help feeling like we were going totally and completely out of our way and that we would never get home. Day turned into night. The cars in front of us crawled. We left that major highway and took that tiny side street only to encounter the same sea of brake lights.

We knew we were going to get home eventually, but we didn't know when. After each new time update, we sighed and someone cracked another joke about the traffic. We made up another song parody about traveling to pass the time. We called a friend, texted another, tried to keep spirits up.

We still knew we would get home eventually. How long it would take, we did not know. How much we would have to travel out of the way, we did not know. Where we were and how crossing that random bridge we'd never heard of before would help us get there, we did not know.

But we trusted that Waze and Google Maps knew what they were doing. (Kal v'chomer G-d, right?)

Rubbernecking, so not helpful. Watching what other people go through, for good or for bad, when you cannot help them, only slows you down. If we all stopped worrying about how fast other people are driving or what they're doing on the side of the road, we could focus better on what is going on in our cars, get where we're going faster.

Getting annoyed at the traffic is not helpful either. It doesn't help you get anywhere faster. Keeping yourself busy along the way, making sure your car has enough gas to get where you're going, knowing when you might need to ask the driver to make a stop or ask someone else to drive for a bit...are all important.

Still waiting for my "you have arrived at your destination" ...

Parshas Vayeitzei

(The Segulah of Learning Zera Shimshon)

The Zera Shimshon asks two questions:

The pasuk tells us that Hashem opened Leah's womb 'because she was unloved.' What is the connection between being 'unloved' and having children?

And secondly, the Torah tells us that Rochel saw that she hadn't borne children for Yaakov and she was jealous of her sister Leah. Is is possible that Rochel, who was such a great woman, the woman who allowed her sister to marry her own chosson before she did, was jealous?

To add to this second question, why does the Torah specify that she hadn't borne children for Yaakov? Why does it mention Yaakov here?

The Zera Shimshon brings a Gemara in Yevamos (64a) that explains that the Imahos were barren so that their husbands, the Avos, would daven for them, because Hashem desires the prayers of the holy ones.

Leah recognized this and realized that if Yaakov was going to daven for any of his wives, it would be Rochel. Leah felt unloved, and because of this Hashem gave her children.

Yaakov saw this, and once he had children from Leah he didn't feel the need to daven for Rochel. In his mind Leah had children without tefillah, so the Imahos couldn't be barren because Hashem wanted their husbands to daven.

Yaakov perceived that Sarah gave birth after her name was changed, and Rivka didn't have children right away after leaving home so the nations of the world wouldn't think she had children because of Lavan's blessing. He didn't see this pattern of the Avos having to daven so their wives would have children.

Because Yaakov did not think that Rochel was barren in order for him to daven, Rochel believed this as well, and she figured that having children was based on the strength of their own merits. And this is why she was jealous of Leah. She believed that Leah had more merits than her, for she had children while Rochel did not.

This jealousy was a kinas sofrim. This is a positive jealousy, wanting to be better, being jealous of someone else's good deeds, etc.

Rochel said to Yaakov, "Give me children, otherwise I am dead!" Indeed, if she believed having children was based on her own merits, and she did not possess the necessary merit to deserve a child, a sinner is compared to a dead person even when they are alive.

Thus, Rochel implored Yaakov to daven for her to have a child.

Source: Zera Shimshon Parshas Vayetzei

Today Is The Tomorrow You Worried About Yesterday

How significant it all seems
All the importance we put on things
Preconceptions and judgements matter so much
Perspective is so powerful
Yesterdays look different today, today will too tomorrow

But we live in the here and now
Different things do matter
All this feels important now
You do get through it though

Game On

All the players playing this round have been dealt their cards. Your aim is to play them in the best fashion you see fit.

You can use your cards to help others. You can use your cards to hurt others. Other people may look at your cards and be jealous of them or get hurt because you're the one holding them. It may be best to keep your cards held as close to your vest as possible.

Play wisely, because you only have the right here and right now. It will feel like each round is all you have. You may get another round to play, or you may not.

I officially hate this game, and I don't want to play it anymore. I want out. I want to know who will win. I can't play anymore; it's not fun. It never was.

It's not just the actual game that's annoying, but everything that's involved in it. Almost every day there's something new to add to this list; this week's tops:

I hate that everyone just assumes that I know all the eligible singles around my age, or at least know someone who does. When I say "Nope, don't know him," please don't ask, "Do you know anyone who knows him or has dated him?"

I hate that people get jealous and spiteful and that it hurts them when I'm dating someone, get the attention from the cute guy at an event, or get a million random pointless suggestions. I'm not married either; there's nothing to be jealous of.

I hate the random random suggestions that I get and the comments I receive when I politely decline them. No, just because he's around my age and wears pants and a yarmulka doesn't mean I'm picky if I say I don't want to date him.

I hate being the heartbreaker. I enjoy connecting with people, hopefully bringing out positive qualities in them, and having a good time together. It doesn't always mean that that shared experience will end in marriage. There's so much more that needs to be there too.

The second-guessing. I hate the second-guessing. I used to trust my gut. Usually if something feels wrong, it is wrong. It's really hard when I start feeling like maybe my gut feelings aren't valid. I never want to be in the position where I'm asking G-d to send me my bashert, He does, and I say "no thank you." I used to be able to say with confidence that every match I declined I knew almost 100% that he was not for me. I hate when I feel like I just don't know.

I need to figure out what my lifelines are in this game. How do I get through it when I feel like I have nothing left, like my reserves are empty, and I'm all alone all tapped out?

First Date Syndrome

Often, dating feels like the "First Date" Master of None episode where the Ansari character goes on multiple first dates and they all sort of blend together, each girl he dates bringing out a different aspect of how (endless) dating can turn out.

I don't watch Netflix or comedy generally, so I only know about this episode because someone used it as a term, almost like "Groundhog Day," I guess. Before the Bill Murray movie, did Groundhog Day mean anything aside from February 2 or the day where the little animal in that same family as the woodchuck and gopher comes out of his burrow and if he sees his shadow we have more days of winter? Either way, Master of None "First Date" dating sort of does feel like Groundhog Day.

It's been quite awhile since I've been on a traditional first date, the type where it's practically a blind date, where what I know about the guy is limited to what his references and other random people have told me, and oftentimes I haven't even seen a picture of him. I guess those work well when you hit it off with the person, (rare), but precisely for that reason it's the same script. Getting to know someone, getting comfortable with someone, can be like that. Until you actually have a certain level of comfort, it's hard to feel like it's anything but playing the same role again and again on the dating theater stage.

I had that weird sense of deja vu recently; even when trying to build a relationship with someone, I just couldn't help the feeling of doing the same thing all over again. This is one of the things I really wish I had a time machine to get through, a fast forward button on my life. It's hard to have the emotional energy to give another saga my all not knowing how it will end.

Someone once suggested that I get invested in things too fast, that I give too much of myself. I honestly don't know that there's another way to do it for me. I don't have to share everything with everyone, and I don't, but that's who I am as a person. I connect with people. I want to share my life. I support people –– get invested in their successes, support them through their hardships. And I lean on them to support me through my challenges. I often wish I could know who I will make it to the finish line with. I also wish I could skip all the other relationships.

Yes, I know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and 'tis better to have loved and lost...I just need to figure out how to get in,  figure out what I need to know, and then get out (or clinch the deal). I guess I also just have come to dislike the small talk and the textbook dating activities and conversations. The problem is when I skip those the relationship fast-tracks and isn't super conducive to marriage, or at least clear-minded rational thought to determine that.

Is there a way off this hamster wheel?

Come On and Ride the Train

I got on the train, left the city behind. I sat back in my seat a little apprehensive for the journey ahead. The first bit was surprisingly easy. I looked out the rear window just a bit, glancing back every now and then, gazing longingly at what I’d left behind. Soon, though, all that was too far away for me to see clearly. I started to enjoy the scenery outside my window.

Every now and then we passed through a rainstorm and I watched my world from behind a curtain of rivulets of water, which distorted my view. Overall it was sunny and the grass was green. I was busy thinking about what lay ahead, too busy to think about where I was coming from. Of course it was still in the back of my mind, trapped away in a little compartment.

And then the compartment came undone. I don’t know why; I don’t know how. I don’t know what it will take to seal it again. What I do know is that it’s clouding my trains of thought. I do know is that it was shortsighted to think that I was far enough from the city to not look back and see it. Trying to live my life forward...

Rainy Daze

Watching the rain cascade down the windowpane, the world a little darker, outlines a little blurrier.
Never knowing when the rain will stop, but knowing that it will.
Recognizing that everything needs rain in order to grow.
Reflecting on how the rain softens the earth, leaving it ripe for new growth.
Appreciating how rainy days provide an excuse to seek comfort from the storm.
Giving permission to the rain to wash away all that's unwanted.
Realizing it isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but making your own sunshine.