Are We All Broken?

Things that define someone as "damaged," ie. hold people back from walking down the aisle, is perhaps a different post. (Whether more complicated/multifaceted people, take longer to get married is another topic as well.) The subject here, are all singles over a certain age "broken," ie. worn down by the system, jaded, and/or hurt?

Recently, a friend of mine was complaining about a guy she was dating's behavior. The shadchan told her that at this stage everyone is going to "have something." Does this mean that every single over a certain age has something wrong with him/her and that is why they're single, or being in shidduchim this long ravages our emotional wellbeing?

In a conversation with a fellow on a date, he suggested that you can assume that everyone over a certain age has had a broken engagement or otherwise serious relationship(s). It's not a blanket truth, but generally singles at a certain stage have had their fair share of heartbreak. But, that's the thing, you don't have to walk around with a broken heart until your intended sweeps you away on a white stallion and applies the salve.

In life it is always up to us to fix ourselves. We cannot blame our problems on what happens to us; we must get up and do something about it. We get hurt all the time, but it's up to us what happens next. We have more control than we often allow ourselves to realize. Maybe he didn't have good role models, but then what did he do about that? Perhaps someone crushed my trust in humanity, but what will I do to rebuild that?

I don't believe that we all have to be broken. Mended perhaps, but not broken. There is a big difference. Maybe I'm not as carefree as I was prior to a heartbreak, but I'm stronger for it. Maybe I'm a little more cautious, because I've learned a lesson. I don't let wounds stay open; I work hard to heal myself. So, no, we don't all have to "have something."

To the point regarding if every single over a certain age has something wrong with him/her and that is why they're single...there is no one statement that defines us all. This type of stereotype is unhelpful and demeaning. It also does not mean that there aren't things wrong with people who are not married. Case by case. At some point I'll explore some things that hold people back from tying the knot.

In the meantime, let's all work on being mended, not broken.