9.5 on the Richter Scale

There are many different "systems" that people use to assess the potential of a relationship and/or the attractivity or "click" with their date. Some people swear by their method, while others just sort of play it by ear and base their dating on how they feel as they go along, or what boxes they can check off.

One person told me that his way is to give each of his dates a number on a scale of 1-5. "Ones" are basically the one-and-dones, the people that there is no merit in seeing it past date one. A "Five" would be someone who this person fell for shortly after meeting and would marry in a heartbeat. The way the person explained it is that the number someone might be assigned after a first date usually doesn't change, but sometimes it does. "Twos" usually get a second or third date, and "Threes" generally get about three dates. A "Four" is someone who might actually be marriage material along with a "Five."

Another person outlined his theory in that he thinks that each person has a certain shidduch value and that everyone will end up marrying someone within a 5-10 point range of their own number (out of 100). People get points for different things, and obviously each person assigns their points differently. While I might think that someone gets 30 points (as an example) for being a learning guy, someone else would subtract 40 points for the fact that he's learning and not working. Everyone also spends their points differently. So, if someone uses a good portion of his/her points on looks, he may have to compromise on smarts or middos.

There's the common "Three Strikes and You're Out" method too. Although, generally people are more generous with their outs allotment. Perhaps there are certain semi deal breakers that presented separately may not be a large issue, but taken all together are too much for the person to handle.

Honestly, all these techniques seem sort of rigid and demeaning to me, especially when people get assigned a value. I get it that some people need things to be concrete, but I like to go with the good ole "Does this feel right? Do we have the same values? Do I enjoy spending time with this person? Does he treat me right? Do I like who I am with him?"

Why must we over-intellectualize everything?