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Thursday, December 15, 2016

The "Hard to Get" Seesaw

Dr. David Lieberman, the human behavior and relationships guru, in the same dating/relationships talk in which he spoke about mental health issues and red flags, discussed the delicate balance of give and take in an early relationship. He spoke about how there needs to be some sense of holding back, "playing hard to get" if you will. Pop psychology explains that this increases your mystique, attraction and desirability level. Being needy and clingy, over-interested, is unattractive, and if the other person thinks that you worship him/her then s/he may start thinking that s/he can do better.

On the other hand, if you're distant and aloof, the other person may begin to believe that you don't like him/her, that you aren't into the shidduch, so s/he will begin to develop a distance and think about all the reasons why s/he doesn't think it will work. Some of that is probably resentment, and part of that is him/her protecting himself/herself. Being straightforward with someone develops trust and honesty in the relationship, and it contributes to someone's feelings for the other.

"Playing hard to get" may increase desire (to pursue someone), but it decreases positive feelings towards the person. There is a delicate balance here that needs to be achieved. If you like someone, you don't need to show everything, but let him/her know that you're interested in him/her, committed to seeing things through.

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