Levels of Attraction

What's behind attraction? Is it simply just "click," or are there other things at play?

I truly believe that everyone connects differently with their significant other, and the deal gets sealed with different aspects in mind for each person. Some people come from an emotional place -- they have feelings for the person, and they feel like they connect on a deeper level. Others see it intellectually -- details of a shidduch make sense to them rationally.

If we're going with the attraction (rather than as an intellectual choice) version, on the reptilian brain level, our survival mechanism, our animalistic function, we pay attention to externals. We assess looks, health, status, etc. A guy once told me that as per a Seinfeld episode, he thinks lustrious hair and rosy cheeks are important (I can't remember the rest of that list), but those are both indicators of one's health. This part is usually subconscious, unless someone places a lot of significance on externals...keeping in mind that I do think that external reflects internal (if you like who someone is as a person, you will likely find their physical appearance attractive).

On that note, our mammalian/limbic brain appraises emotional attraction. Is there trust, comfort in the relationship? Does the person match your emotional intelligence level? have a uniqueness, a je ne sais quio, that "one thing"? Is there a sense of excitement? Do you enjoy the person's company? Perhaps intelligence is really crucial for someone. "Sapiophiles" are people who are attracted to intelligence.

Then comes the logic. (Not in this particular order necessarily!) Do you have shared goals, values? Does the person treat you right? Do you like who you are in the person's company? Can you grow together?

If we use "love" as it's used in the vernacular, its stages usually go from lust/excitement, to romantic attraction/passion, to attachment/commitment, as we peel away the layers of who someone is and why we're attracted to him/her.