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Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Shidduch Reid: The Talk Demystified Part Two

Read Part One here.

"Are you available/Are you busy?" ––  In shidduch vernacular, this question refers to whether someone is currently involved in a shidduch. It is usually asked by someone that would like to suggest an idea, yet it's often used by nosy people prying into a single's life.

"I'm busy right now" –– This is the turn of phrase that a guy or girl in the parsha uses to let others know that they are currently involved in a shidduch, ie. dating someone, sometimes too busy for other life or friends. Although, "being busy" can also mean that s/he merely "gave someone a yes" and is waiting to hear whether s/he would like to go out. It may be used to avoid an unwanted suggestion, thus people may wonder if someone is "busy busy" or merely "busy." "Very busy" means someone is dating seriously.

"Getting serious" –– While used in the world at large, when referring to a shidduch it has a similar connotation, but more likely points to the couple moving towards engagement. This is when older single siblings and sometimes friends start to panic. Sometimes friends understand a friend is entering this status as s/he becomes seemingly unreachable by all means of communication. This stage can begin as early as date three or four or as late as date twenty or so.

"Saying/giving a no" –– The opposite of "giving a yes," this means that someone rejects a shidduch. It can refer to when the idea is suggested or after going on a date s/he chooses not to continue with the individual. Sometimes it's clear and definite, other times it takes a lot of overthinking and analyzing to come to this conclusion.

"Not for me/not a shidduch" –– This means someone does not think a potential match is suited for him/her, usually not within the same shidduch point category.

"DOA" –– This acronym stands for "Dead On Arrival," used in reference to when it's clear a date is not for you the moment you set eyes on him/her; considered derogatory.

"One and done" –– As it suggests, this means a shidduch lasts one date and then is over. This is when you might scratch your head and wonder what the shadchan was thinking.

"A tekufah" –– This refers to a dating stint, a time in which someone spent dating someone and all that involved. It's an era in one's life that usually leaves an imprint, one that more often than not sends said person to therapy.

"Quality guy/girl/A catch" –– This is someone who allegedly has it all together and has so many awesome characteristics often irrelevant to marriage.

"S/he flipped out/S/he's flaming" –– This refers to someone who, usually due to a spiritual awakening, who has swung to the extreme right; s/he has the potential to normalize after s/he cools off.

"Pareve date" –– The type of date that brings you no closer to clarity and often brings frustrated feelings of ambiguity.

"Should I push it?" –– "Pushing" a shidduch involves putting pressure on a party generally by embellishing upon positive attributes to get a desired answer (usually for the person to "give a yes").

"What are we up to/Where are we holding?" –– This is an often anxiety-provoking query broached when one is thinking about taking the relationship to the next level or by one just wondering what the other person is thinking about him/her.

"Will s/he travel" –– This question is asked regarding someone who is currently residing in the tristate area on a willingness to venture outside his/her daled amos (or for the person living outside of the central hub of Jewish life to travel in).

"Taking a break" –– This refers to either taking a vacation from the shidduch hamster wheel, or it can involve two parties who are currently dating putting their relationship on pause to get some much needed space to assess their feelings for each other (or lack thereof).

"Drop the shadchan" –– This occurs during the process of "getting serious," when the young man and woman decide to actually try to communicate on their own and no longer use the shadchan to let the other party know they will be late for a date.

"It's unofficial" –– This is the point in the shidduch when the couple has decided that they are going to get engaged, but he has not yet proposed. This is the stage in which all important people in their respective lives should be informed of the impending engagement, if they haven't been already.

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