Pop psychology calls them safety behaviors, those practices we develop to cope with whatever challenge at hand to reduce anxiety and fear. Escapism turned out to be great for me at this point in my shidduch career. The problem with safety behaviors is how they stick around even after we don't need them anymore. It is true for the adult who was taken advantage of or bullied as a child and now doesn't trust that anyone has his/her good in mind, but it's also true for a general lifestyle that you get used to.
My new attitude, removing myself mentally (as much as possible) from tedious shidduch life has proven effective in dealing with my negative feelings surrounding it. (I'm actually not sure it's sustainable, but it's working short-term for sure.) I think disengagement at this stage is natural, because it's normal and healthy to gravitate towards things that make us feel productive. Focusing on work, hobbies, and vacations, makes this stage in my life so much more tolerable.
As I was cruising down the highway in my wine red convertible rental, enjoying the wind whipping through my hair, relishing the sun on my face and the warm weather in the dead of winter, I started wondering if taking frequent vacations and splurging on indulgent things is setting myself up for failure. Am I creating a lifestyle that isn't maintainable?
I obviously want to milk being single at this age (and working at a flexible job) for all it's worth. I won't always be able to jet to tropical destinations whenever I feel like it. I won't always be able to drop a few hundred bucks to do/buy what I feel like. Yet, there has to be some benefit of not being married. Do what I can now, cross them off my bucket list, right?
Will doing these things make me want/expect these things in the future? It isn't a lifestyle that I need or necessarily want for my family. Am I getting further and further away from what is important?
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