The break-down is splashed all across these pages. It's no longer about fostering resilience in the face of this never ending cycle of feeding quarters into the game and coming away with less than what I started with. As much as I don't want to admit it, I've started to let go of my hold on the belief that this is all worth something.
And so, my new strategy is avoidance. Hardly a healthy one, I know, but it works in short bursts. If I pretend that it doesn't hurt, absorb my mind in something else, maybe it won't. If I forget that I have one goal, and one goal only in this battle, maybe I'll start to believe it, and when things explode in my face it won't sting so much. I just have to stop caring so much I guess. I'm sure I'm losing a part of myself when I let this go, but I'll lose even more if I can't figure out how to manage this.
Fiction is great for fighting reality, as long as you don't get stuck in the fiction. The harshness of reality is much more easily handled in broken up bits, smaller manageable pieces. It's why the entertainment industry is raking it in. It's why we find solace in movies, TV, video games, sports, books, music, mindless internet browsing, etc.
I guess it's why I already planned my next vacation when I just got back from my last one. It's hardly about seeking out warm climates in the middle of the winter; okay, it's a little about that, but it's more about the fact that I'm escaping. I fully admit that. Add a "fun" ride to the experience (that cherry red convertible will do), and I'm good. Totally guilty of escapism, but also of self-care. It's one of those buzzwords that are popular for a reason –– it's important.
My vote? Escapism is great if you know how to and when to snap back to reality. I'm always looking for new vacation buddies, so, who's in?
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