How Well Does the Shadchan Know You?

"Who's your main shadchan?" she asked me.

Does anyone have a "main shadchan"? I mean, there are specific shadchanim I work with that I would say I feel closer to, ie. know me a bit better than the random ones that call once in a blue moon with an idea, I would question about names or ask him/her to be the go-between if I needed one, but there isn't one person that sets me up the most. And in fact, my "best shots" were all suggested by friends/neighbors/relatives (or I picked him out myself...those didn't end too well though).

I can't remember the statistic (mostly because I don't actually believe it's accurate, mostly because how would someone gather that kind of data to figure that number out?), but supposedly a large portion of shidduchim are made by friends/neighbors/relatives. (I think I saw that in some NASI Project ad or somesuch.)

I know for me that this works best, because despite what I explain to a shadchan, I think it's difficult to grasp who a person is in one encounter. I happen to be able to articulate important aspects about myself and what type of person I'm looking for, but even so it's hard to get an accurate portrayal of someone in one meeting (and sometimes shadchanim just don't understand a type). Additionally, many people can't describe themselves accurately or explain what's important to them in spouse, so this makes it even more difficult for a shadchan.

If someone wonders why the guys s/he redts someone never say yes, they need to think about if they've gotten the type right. If someone says "no" based on my resume or preliminary research it generally means that it's not a good idea; we would never get along. For example, I've had people not want to go out with me because of my profession. If someone doesn't like what I do, it means that we wouldn't understand each other anyway. It's a good vetting process. By the time someone's resume (with a "yes") reaches me, usually there will be something that makes sense there, but not always obviously.

Tangentially, everyone matches to someone. There isn't an objectively ideal type of person. What one person thinks is the deal-sealer, someone else could think is a deal-breaker. For example, if I want a guy who is sitting in yeshiva and learning, to me that would be worth a lot. To the girl who wants someone with a college degree and/or a good job, that could be a deal-breaker.

Either way, each time someone who doesn't know me sets me up, we have some sort of interaction, they get more and more of an idea of what I want, what I need, what works for me, and what doesn't. I once heard someone speaking about shidduchim suggest that if someone suggests someone to you, you should go out even if you don't think that the person is for you per se, because it helps you to foster a relationship with that person/shadchan. I happen to highly disagree with this, because we don't just date to date, but that's a different conversation.

It would make sense to say that the better someone knows you, the better their suggestions. However, some people really don't get it but make a fair share of shidduchim anyway. Perhaps it's all siyatta dishmaya.