Positive Until Proven Negative or Negative Until Proven Positive?

Sure, the thing that hurts the most is hope when it's taken away, but perhaps there is a balanced way to approach this. Even if you convince yourself that "this one might be The One," you can temper your expectation, so if things fall apart it will hurt less. I'm still learning how to do this...

As we've previously discussed, there are many methods of assessing the potential of a relationship. Perhaps this positive/negative one is a general category, or maybe it's an additional method to those outlined in the linked post. I'm sure there are probably many nuanced combinations of this positive/negative approach as well.

A friend once told me that she goes into each date with the mindset of, "This is is my husband unless he proves to me otherwise." Her system ("positive until proven negative") involves coming at each potential suitor with the attitude that this will be the person she marries until he shows her otherwise, ie. they don't get along, their values don't match up, he "says no" to her, etc.

This method involves trying to make each relationship work. Think about it, if you enter into a shidduch looking for something wrong, no doubt you will find it. Nobody is perfect; there will always be things that aren't as you would have imagined had you created the perfect person for yourself.

The flip side to this ("negative until proven positive") is that the person you are meeting is just another guy/girl. Unless there are fireworks, or the person checks off most of the items on your list, you may not be seeing him/her again. It's up to your date to prove himself/herself worthy, so to speak.

The dangers in this practice is that you may write someone off, because you don't click right away or his/her list-worthy traits aren't right at the surface. Obviously you cannot get engaged to someone just because there is nothing wrong, there need to be things right too; however, you can take as long as you need to to figure this out. There is no timeline. As long as you are upfront with the person you are dating (or the shadchan) and are providing the individual with accurate feedback and not just leading him/her along, you don't have to try to check off all your little boxes within five dates of meeting the person or bust.

I guess I'm leaning in favor of the positive until proven negative side. Which one do you prefer?