What I Learned in 2016

When the numbers turn on the calendar, it makes me a little nostalgic –– not that much, but a little –– enough to make me reflect on the year. What happened in 2016?  I learned a lot, even if if I spent a better part of the end of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 tied up dating one disappointment (and I'll admit, that's the nicer version of how I might have described him). 

A big thing that I gained this year from all my dating experiences is the recognition that nothing is permanent. Not good things, not bad things, not pain, and not glory. Things happen and life moves on. There are ups and there are downs, and we get through them all somehow. It's humbling and sobering to recognize this. It teaches you to hold onto the good times and hang in there during the challenging ones. What good you may have today might be gone tomorrow. In the same way, the hard times will fade too.

I also learned that despite always saying that I want to date my husband for a long time before getting engaged, I don't really want to date anyone for an extended period of time. Sure, I want to know him before we get engaged, but if things aren't complicated, and I really hope they won't be, then I don't need to date for that long. If things work, they can just work. If they don't, they won't. I've had enough of dancing around an early relationship and pretending. I'm in this for one purpose: it's marriage or bust. Granted, you need a few dates to see if you "click," but past that I want to get to know someone and see if it works marriage/values-wise. I don't have the patience to make small talk and discuss nothing for six, seven dates.

This year I've grasped too that a solid "working guy" can be so much better quality than a "learning guy." I have the utmost respect for the guy that goes to school/goes out to work and keeps his learning seder every day and his hashkafos intact. I used to say that I wanted a learning guy, and dating someone who was working was a b'deieved. Now, l'hefech. I want the guy who is the real deal, the fellow that goes to minyan before work every day and keeps his learning seder after work. I think that's so much more praiseworthy.

I saw too how important it is to trust your gut. In the scenario mentioned above, in which the guy I dated for awhile took me for a ride, I believe he ignored his instinct, which told him that it wasn't a shidduch, the whole time he was dating me. He ignored it for who knows what reason––he liked me, he thought I was pretty, he was having fun, whatever, and when push came to shove, he just couldn't seal the deal. He should have listened to his intuition from the beginning. In another situation, I went out with a guy, who, in so many ways we were similar, and I'm pretty certain the "like" was mutual, but based on something he perceived, his gut told him it wouldn't work marriage-wise, and he ended it. Good for him for not dragging it out. We have intuition for a reason, listen to it!

I learned so much about myself this year too. As much as a lot of you dislike Myers-Briggs, and/or don't think you fit into a type so it's not helpful, I like it, because I'm a pretty distinct type. Becoming more familiar with personality typing has helped me to understand why I do certain things and how I see the world. It's assisted me to understand how other people perceive the world around them and why I clash with some people so hard. It's aided me to realize why I love so hard and why I don't do anything halfway, why I have a great need to connect to others, to give and to nurture. 

Reflecting on 2016 makes me realize that as the years stack up and I gain more life experience, I have a lot to show for it. I'm developing myself as a person. Each year, month, day, I learn a little bit more about me and life. Each experience brings a new perspective. So much to gain...