Point of No Return

Once you've been wheeled and dealt (understand that as you will –– there are plenty of meanings there), what do you do with things you were gifted if/when/after you break up?

First things first: bracelets, engagement rings, watches, and other expensive bounty are unequivocally returned to the bestower. What happens though to inexpensive gifts like books, scarves, and random other things someone gave you when you were dating him/her? What about items that belong to the other person, like his/her items of clothing or his/her books, when given meant as a loan? What about letters, cards, flowers, Dave & Buster prizes, pottery or Paint Nite paintings you painted together, etc.?

Obviously this is my own opinion, and you're welcome to weigh in (as always, feel free to leave a comment, not just ghost-read). While some people might trash everything, I think that each category deserves its own treatment.

The things that belong to the ex should be returned. If you didn't do that while you were still communicating, and you pledged to never talk again or just aren't ready to reach out, have someone else return it, or just mail the stuff. It was given to you, but it's not really yours to throw away.

The inexpensive gifts are rightfully your own to do what you want, but why should you be wasteful? If you don't want the paraphernalia, because it's a painful reminder of what was, give the things away to a friend or charity organization. A former date told me that his best scarf, or maybe it was a snow beanie, was given to him by a good friend who had been gifted it by a girl whom he had dated seriously. Perfect solution. He doesn't want to hold onto stuff from an ex, but it doesn't carry the same significance for his friend.

Letters, cards, flowers, penny prizes, and cheap pottery –– you have my blessing to shatter, burn, and/or otherwise discard of them. It may even make you feel good to do so, a release of sorts. Don't hold onto his/her stuff. The less reminders you have of him/her the easier it is to move on. I remember finding it somewhat cathartic to burn all the letters and notes following the break-up outlined in the second to last paragraph here (and to shatter the breakable things he had given me).

If a break-up is amicable, and they definitely can be, it is sometimes harder to get rid of things. You want to hold onto, and you might want the other person to hold onto, things that remind you of each other. The Three C's help with this. That, time, and moving on...