Taking a Dating Break

I guess I've never officially "taken a break" from dating, like "said no" to someone's "yes" because I was "on a break," but there have definitely been times when I decided I wasn't going to go out unless something sounded exactly on target, and I didn't get back to all the people that were waiting to redt their ideas when I gave them the go ahead that I was available again. Sure, I've had "breaks" when no one was suggested/there were no "yeses," but that's different, because at those times I was still actively pursuing options, ie. networking, reaching out to shadchanim, etc. etc.

I would assume this is different for a guy, because if he's not dating then it's usually by choice. It's the way the system works, the guy is the initiator of process. Usually. (To clarify, "dating" in the shidduch world doesn't necessarily mean just the going out, you see. There are all these steps involved, like accepting an idea, "looking into" the person, getting back to the shadchan, waiting for the other side to do some research and decide whether s/he wants to meet, etc.) Generally when a name, a serious suggestion, gets to me, it means that someone already did some legwork. It often means that it's relevant in some way. Not always, not always. I then feel like if I don't do some work to find out if it is relevant, then maybe I'm passing up my bashert because I decided I was "on a break."

Yet, when I feel, to borrow song lyrics, like I'm through playing by the rules of someone else's game, and like this all just comes at too high a cost, then I recognize that I need a break. I need a break to refresh, regroup, and stop trying so hard, getting so frustrated when concentrated concerted effort fails time and again. It's good to have some time and space to reconnect with everything else in my life without the distraction of shidduchim, because that's what it is, it's a distraction. Getting married is my priority right now, so it's always on my mind. The hishtadlus I need to do is always there. Letting it go for just a little while helps me with my other priorities in life: maintaining my sanity and happiness.

I think I just need to remember that Hashem truly runs the world, and whatever is supposed to happen will happen. If I repeatedly make bad choices then my bechira can and will mostly probably get in the way, but if I'm making calculated judgements, I highly doubt that I'll mess things up for myself. (If I "say no" to someone because I'm on a break or I'm busy dating someone else, if he's my bashert I'm sure we will have the opportunity to date at some later time.) Sometimes you really do just have to let go and let G-d. Less hishtadlus, less headache, and maybe he'll just ride up on his white stallion without me having to dangle the horse treat. After all, we put in hishtadlus one place, and the yeshua comes from somewhere else. Maybe my hishtadlus is to daven more and meet less people...