One of the challenges of keeping your life full and having almost every day/night earmarked for a specific activity or pursuit is that when you need to fit a date in, it means cancelling on someone. The someone usually also knows why you're cancelling.
It doesn't matter if I, in reality, missed our weekly shiur because I had a friend/cousin/neighbor's wedding or sheva brachos or just wasn't feeling well. It will always be assumed that I was on a date. That's great; I'm in shidduchim, I'm trying to get married, so yes, I go on dates sometimes, but I really don't need to be keeping everyone updated about what's going on. You want to assume I was on a date, be my guest. You'll probably be right about 75% of the time. The rub is when I'm expected to let you know why I'm cancelling on you.
Sure, it's common decency sometimes. "I know we've been planning this party for weeks, but uh...something came up and I couldn't get out of it." It's just that dating has to take priority. When will I ever randomly cancel like that for something less important? When I make a commitment it's like a blood pact. (It's the J in me.) I really try to avoid it, but sometimes it's inevitable.
It seems almost crazy, because can't we wait for a time that doesn't conflict with the plans I've already set? A little peek at my calendar reflects that I don't have a free night for awhile. Whoops. It's juggling––either I elect to flake on our weekly shuir, a party, plans we made days ago, or one of the two nights a week that I'm working (those are a little less negotiable).
So I know that I don't have to tell everyone why I'm missing something, but they'll assume anyway, and then I look like I'm trying to hide something. It's not that, I just don't need everyone I know to know that I'm dating someone. They start wanting to know all the details and thinking things are getting serious when they're not.
People get weird too about not talking at all about dating, because bracha comes upon hidden things. I once had a friend who, while she was dating her husband, lied the whole time about it. We were close at the time (or perhaps I should say we were close during the tekufa before she started dating him and then shut me out); we talked multiple times a day and saw each other at least once every other day. During this time period, she started acting super sketchy. When I confronted her about it, she made up some lie about how she wasn't dating...until she called me to let me know she was engaged. I guess there's that extreme too...
I say go for the happy medium (if there ever is one). Don't shut your friends out, because they're there for you in every other aspect of your life. Why would you pretend it's okay to shut them out here? On the other hand, they should also respect your privacy. It's a delicate line...
I agree with your analysis of the situation. Its a fine line between when and how much to tell your friends. There is no need to stress single friends out when you are just in the beginning stages, then again, we have all gotten that sudden phone call that takes your breath away and gave you no warning. " so I have something to tell you...." I hear both sides of the situation and don't think there is one right way to do things. A balance always seems like a good way to go.
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