It's So Complicated

"I'm not in a rush, because I know that I'll probably still be single in a year or two from now. More complicated people just take longer to get married," he said to me as he was explaining why it didn't matter if we went out again this week or next. That story is a whole separate rant, but he brings up an interesting point: do more complex people take longer to get married? If yes, why is this so? If you truly believe that Hashem is m'zaveg zivugim, is it "harder" for Hashem to match up the more complicated of us? 

In the hishtadlus/emunah realm of this question, even though Hashem is the ultimate Shadchan and nothing is hard for Him, there still is tevah. It's like someone recently tried to convince me that this is similar to the reason why there are more older single girls than guys (if that's true), as per the "shidduch crisis" and the "age gap." I personally disagree and think that if you leave your fate up to tevah then sure, this is all true for you, but if you understand it all in the context of the bigger picture and rely on Hashem to give you what you need, you've moved beyond that. Learn any sefer on Bitachon, it'll tell you that. 

If we break it down though and try to understand the tevah aspects of it, perhaps the more simple someone is, the less things they have to line up with someone else to make a shidduch work. Maybe his/her "bashert" pool is wider because there are more people who fit what s/he needs. (I should probably stay away from words like "bashert," because if you marry someone then isn't it bashert even if s/he is not your "zivug"? Do we even have only one person we're supposed to marry? The last time I had this conversation on a date the guy told me that I'm misunderstanding the gemara "bas ploni l'ploni" and it doesn't mean what I think it does...)

Here's another thought –– it's a bit of a chicken/egg dilemma. Do people who are more complex take longer to find their life partner, or as people take a long time to find the person they will marry they become more complex? As someone gets further and further away from formal education and is left to his/her own devices to figure things out, s/he has the time, space, and mental capacity to discover who s/he is and/or wants to be, developing his/her interests and personality. Usually this results in a certain complexity, because as we break away from the cookie cutter mold and start making choices for ourselves, we develop our individuality. And then, there are many "complicated" people who don't "take longer to get married," so perhaps it really is that people develop their complexities as they live more time outside of a controlled environment. 

So yes, maybe the maturity and sophistication you seek is harder to find, especially in the blend that you're looking for. Maybe you have more points to match up. Maybe your multifacetedness is a result of you being single this long. Maybe nothing is hard for Hashem, and it really doesn't matter. Even with all these points outlined, I don't think there's a definitive answer to the question.