"So, What Are You Looking For?"

And, go! Thirty seconds or less, sell yourself and tell me what you're seeking in a spouse.

If you've been on this hamster wheel long enough, you probably have your elevator pitch all polished and ready to spew. Or not. No matter how long someone's been in shidduchim, people have a difficult time describing themselves without feeling a bit like they're tooting their own horn. I guess it should be less difficult describing what you're seeking in a significant other, yet we don't always know what we need even if we have a handle on what has worked in the past.

The best is when someone asked me to tell her what type of guy I was looking for, and this (third paragraph from the bottom) ensued. We just can't win, can we? I'm not sure so much people are asking because they want to know, or it's some sort of test.

Sarcasm aside, there is an art to describing who you are and what you're looking for. In general, if you describe yourself with negative or controversial adjectives, those words may be the only thing they will remember. The same goes for describing what you're looking for, even if you put the word "not" in front of the adjectives. For example, if you say, "I'm sort of socially awkward and nerdy," (especially when you don't actually meant that) or "I want someone out-of-town-y, not Harry-ish, just more simple," guess what the person probably got out of that description? What did you?

If you're more quiet one-on-one or shy when you first meet someone, the person you're talking to might get the impression that you're more reticent –– even if you're not. It may not be accurate, but it's how first impressions work. So, if you can't push yourself to be more animated, make it a point to explain that aspect of your personality.

If you have any deal-breakers, be sure to outline those too. For example, if you draw the line at smoking, say so. If you need someone who is confident, softer, has an education/job, etc., make it a point to put that out there at the get-go, so you don't waste anyone's time.

Talking about yourself can feel unnatural, but if you figure out how to work your descriptions into a conversation, you can make it flow rather than making it seem like you're stroking your ego. For example, sometimes I'll talk about how my job reflects a lot about my personality, and because this is so, this and this characteristic in a guy works best for me. In that one sentence I told the person what I do, a couple of things about my personality, and a few important character traits I'm seeking in a spouse. Maybe your job isn't the springboard for you, but perhaps a hobby or a pursuit you're involved in can be. Try to concoct one of these for yourself; it'll be useful to have handy when someone randomly asks, "So, what are you looking for?"