Again with the rules and regulations of dating...I feel like this one should be intuitive, but I'm going to spell it out here, because so often it goes so wrong. I'm sure many out there may not agree with this, but I guess because it's my blog, this is about my preferences. Everyone is welcome to have their own opinions and methods.
While it could be organic, letting the date naturally come to an end when the two of you have effectively checked off all your first date duties, ie. making small talk and getting a general sense of the person, for some reason, perhaps simply because you generally do not know this person you're on a first date with and can't read their subtle cues, this doesn't always work out very well. We're then left with a question of how long should this first date ideally be?
There are a few things to consider in this equation. It's considered rude for a young man to take a girl home too soon even if the date is going disastrously (perhaps because that means he's writing her off or disregarding the effort it took to get to this point in the dating process, who knows), and on her end, it's a yeihareg v'al ya'avor for her to end a date. Also, while the fellow may be enjoying himself and his date's company, perhaps she's not enjoying herself at all. He may not know that because he may not be able to tell if she's having a good time, because he's just met her. Additionally, first dates can only go so long, even if the couple hits it off, because it's generally all small talk. There's only so much small talk you can do at a time. Did I mention I hate small talk?
Save for those unlikely exceptions, I think first dates should have a 2-3 hour cap. And, honestly, if the date is a non-starter, just check in with each other and see if you guys want to continue to pull teeth, or you can graciously give up after an hour or so (long enough to know you gave it a fair shot) and not waste more of each others' time.
In the battle of shidduchim, I am a warrior. Every day is a fight for sanity, for clarity, and peace of mind. This is an uncensored account of my shidduch trials and tribulations –– the often emotional, sometimes poetic, confessions of a shidduch dater –– my colorful musings and reflections from behind the lines.
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