The million dollar question: Can a guy and a girl "just be friends?"
Is it possible for two people who dated seriously to, following their breakup, foster a platonic relationship?
Theoretically, it should be possible. If they didn't cross any lines while they were dating, didn't share anything together that two good friends wouldn't, it's not like they have to figure out how to relate to each other differently, because they've been doing that on a non-physical level up until this point.
Does the simple fact that the person who "set them up" thought they would make a good couple have to dictate the relationship they must have? The reality that they dated for however long and then broke up sort of shows that their relationship falls in a different category. This is especially true if they broke up because they didn't have shared values (one of the top three on the list of factors of marital success and happiness). Best friends don't need to have all the same values, as they can still have a great friendship even if they don't agree on some core beliefs, particularly if they understand each other and communicate well.
With all that said, truthfully, it's probably not that possible for a guy and a girl to be good friends, lean on each other emotionally and stay within platonic parameters. Even if a couple has the ultimate respect for one another and never cross any lines, the way that man (and woman) was created, there's a basic attraction that complicates things. The fact that at least one of them, if not both, will have to set boundaries, adjust feelings, and pretend that s/he is happy the way things are, means that the relationship cannot be platonic.
Things may be a little different on the girl's end, but unless he's truly not attracted to her, perhaps she's really unattractive or he's gay, this usually does not work. (If the girl is attracted to him even if he's not attracted to her this doesn't work either. It's just more likely for a girl not to see guy like that because girls are less physical.) And, when a girl leans on someone emotionally, she starts to see him differently even if she wasn't previously attracted to him.
Real platonic relationships are extremely rare. You can, however, pretend your relationship is platonic, and sometimes that works well enough.
That's the premise of "When Harry Met Sally": he says it is impossible for a man and woman to be friends.
ReplyDeleteI'm not "holding" in my rom-coms, so I looked it up...In my research I also found out that Harry And Sally were modeled after director Rob Reiner and screenwriter Nora Ephron, except they didn't fall in love, and in the script's first draft, Harry and Sally didn't end up together.
DeleteI guess it's just more romantic and movie-esque to have the screen couple get married.
Also, the bigger question is if in a situation in which there will be stricter boundaries than the Harrys and Sallys (as per halacha etc.) could there be a better chance at a platonic relationship?