He was telling me that he had a negative impression of a specific characteristic that could be used in a description of me. Almost taking it personally, I replied, "Well, I certainly hope I can change your mind about that." "Oh, you already are," he rejoined.
That was on our second date. Many many dates later, after we'd debriefed and established that we had not liked each other from the get-go, I asked him, "Why did you say that to me if you didn't even like me back then?" "Ah, you know," he responded, "I'm just a flirt."
Flirting essentially sends a message to the recipient of the flirtation that A - "I'm interested in you," and/or B - "I want you to be interested in me." Generally flirting is meant to flatter the person being flirted with. It's a message that sometimes says that the person is interested in a deeper/closer relationship, or, on the flipside, it shows superficial interest, a tease, playful banter, usually for amusement purposes. Flirting can also be driven by ego or esteem need, a reinforcement of self image.
To some people flirting comes automatically. They know what they want, and they're not afraid to express it. It's the extended eye contact, the slow smile or smirk, wink, facial expressions, mimicking body language and communication style, compliments, paying attention to what's important to that person and asking about it...
Flirtation is not always attraction-driven, occasionally it's the unwillingness to be genuine or vulnerable, always staying at superficial, putting on a show, holding the world at arms length. Sometimes it's a form of manipulation, drawing someone in to get what you want.
The art of flirtation lies in its ambiguity. As long as it's not serious, you can emotionally step out at any moment. It can take the edge off of something you meant seriously but wasn't sure how was going to be received. If conveyed teasingly, you can always play it off as a joke.
Flirting is truly an art form: it can be this titillating slow dance, or it can be the ultimate chicken dance.
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